A Legacy of Love.

 "Full many a glorious morning I have seen." William Shakespeare

I have been working on this for a few days. But the snow really brought it together. 

Everything covered in billowing white snow. Fresh. So calming. Quiet and peaceful. 

I see myself just staring out looking for serenity. Looking for God to calm my spirit. 

Another Christmas of memories not forgotten. 

Memories that tears still rest heavy in my eyes, longing for another conversation, another touch, another moment together with those that have gone before me. 

To hold them one more time. 

I cling to a couple sentiments that represent those I love and miss so dearly, a letter, a bible, a photo to cling to. 

Christmas does this every year to me. SO much joy shared, laughter and moments of love built around the memories of those I miss terribly. 

My grandma and I are notes takers. I had a couple different legacies I could have followed. My Grandma LOVED the Lord with all her heart and soul. She was strong and kind. She loved words. I followed after my grandma, She held the bar I will never reach. I am always so inspired by her strength. She lived to be 99. She had so much loss but never a loss of Love. 

I have learned how to grieve well. How to cry silently. I have learned how to be capable but not comfortable in my grief. Confident in my heartache. 

But God it still hurts so much. All these years later. All these months later. All these weeks later. 

As equipped as I think I am spiritually I get taken out so unexpectedly by grief. I grab all the sweetest memories, I try to analyze and compartmentalize my grief and can't get a grip. 

We all grieve differently. Different isn't wrong. Some see joy where there is pain and some see pain where there was joy. Learning how to grieve is the hardest part. Do it gently to yourself and others. 

Reason #312 I run. 

To Run away from it. 

To Run to it.

To Run it through my head. 

To Run with it. 

To Breathe. To let it all settle it. 

"Come what may, I want to run." 2 Samuel 18:23

Christmas afternoon, Andy and I put on our new gear and headed out for a little run. I just tucked in behind him trying to keep up and not slip. I would fall back when the road got thick with snow trying not to fall. My body still weak from months of chemo over a year ago but my mind determined to keep close. I could hear my heavy breathing. I could also hear those voices I was running from. I tried so hard to not cry in fear the tears would freeze. "Keep Running Nita...just run...."

LAST NIGHT. 

I was texting my sis in love, Leeanne in Florida. I was trying to convince her to run a race with me. 

ME: Hey, Don't give up because your old! Cuz  your only 4 more years older than me!

Leeanne: Yes but your amazing and more dedicated!!

Me: No, I'm just stubborn and emotional!

I run to control the emotions. Reason #263

Rundown: 

My miles are down, maybe that's why my emotions are high! 

To all those struggling this Christmas, I know I am not the only one, I am sending you a hug. 

Love Conquers All. 

Anita