Everything has its place.

 "In order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did and why you no longer need to feel it." Mitch Albom

My new work photo...Those CURLS! Keep the gray or color it??

It feels good to feel good. A crisp September morning where the first frost rests across all things still growing.  

It feels good to have the sun warm your skin from the chill of the season change. The smells are different. The leaves are different, all things changing. 

I am about to loose the summer. It is about the slip away. 

So much has slipped away from so many of us. 2020. 

Some of us have lost things quite abruptly, while some of us have had grief just drift in and out. 

I have absolutely NO right to complain about 2020.  To even complain about wearing masks is absurd. This election has lead people to Crazytown. 

I keep hearing people say "2020 can just be over..." 

2020 has not been easy but I have so much to be thankful for. All my surgeries, my radiation my PF, my jacked up knee, my gym being closed, not working for 3 months...I have NO right to complain. 

I am CANCER FREE. 

I have health. 

I have my family. 

I am working again. 

I got to go on little vacations. 

Everything has a place and there is just no place for me to write off 2020 because of my life being out of sorts from Covid. 

Most of us are so spoiled with our time, our finances, our extra curricular activities we have no idea what it really is like to suffer. 

I have 4 cars in my driveway. Every person in my household has a car, it might not be new or spiffy but just having 2 CARS makes you wealthy in site of this world. 

And yet we get upset that our life has been disrupted by this pandemic. 

I am so convicted. July I was so depressed, my body was so broken, my heart was broken and I just couldn't find a place for gratitude knowing God had saved my life. I knew what real Hell was like. I had already been through Hell and back fighting cancer. But I continued to complain to God as I imagined Job did. I tried to manage my grief, painting more rocks than I had paint. 

Then this crazy boot came along helping to heal my PF faster then I would have ever expected. With that boot came a conviction. Each day my pain got better and better allowing me to do more and more. Each day reminding me how much I have to be thankful for. 

This week I will have ran over 40 miles. Next week, I will be 1 year out from Chemo. Ahh, so much to celebrate. SO much to appreciate. 

My mother always taught me that "Everything has a place." I want to challenge you to find a place for your anger, your resentments, your frustrations, whatever negative emotions that are on display for everyone to see and find a place for them. I reminded myself that it is Ok to have feelings that are not always rainbows and butterflies, its called LIFE. But all emotions have a place, all moments, all circumstances, all victories, successes and failures have a place. I was letting my negative emotions distract me from all the victories I have been blessed with. Everything has a place but those negative emotions were a distraction leaving my heart untidy and cluttered. I was letting them litter the victory of being cancer free. The untidiness of self loathing, pity and sadness was more than just a distraction it was becoming a habit. I had never struggled that long before.  

Everything has a place. It is fine to have emotions that are not pleasing but it is not fine to not try to manage them. "One thing you can't hide is when  you are crippled inside." John Lennon

If 2020 has you upset and you are having difficulty finding gratitude...Feel free to celebrate ME! Next week is my 1 YEAR!!! 

Anita~