Unglued

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; From the depths of the earth you will again bring me up" Psalm 71:20

That smiles represents Hope, Faith, and Love. God restores us piece by piece. I don't want people to see me "Unglued" I will share it but not let it define me. 

Am I the only one struggling with myself? Frustration reached its peak yesterday.
Pain has a volume that has not been silent for months.
At 47,  I question if this is going to be my new normal.

I push the limits of  this ordinary life. Not because I am a rebell or a bada$$.
Because I want more. I want more than average.

UNGLUED.
I was so excited to run this past Saturday. I eyeballed the weather everyday. Such perfect weather for a long run.
My knee was a little wobbly but I felt great. I just had to do loops on the trails at Holly Rec.
By the time I got there, most of the parking lot was already full with runners embracing the cool morning.
I had to do a 6 mile loop then 2- 5 mile loops to get 16 miles.

Everything was great until it wasn't. I hobbled the last few miles in. Andy surprised me and ran a few miles with me. He could tell my pace had slowed and I was running crooked trying to baby my right heel.
Words became fewer as concern chattered in my head.

By the time I finished I was no longer running, barely walking but still smiling.

Yesterday, I new better than to run, so I biked. 25 miles, the farthest I think I have ever biked and dare I say it was wonderful?!

By the evening, my knee was wonky, my heel was burning and my spirits were broken.
"NOW what God, first cancer, then my knee, now my heel?" I cried silently. Frustrated, depressed, confused, angry, I was a petri dish of despair.

Then I thought what most of us can't help but think...
"What did I do God? Why are you mad at me?"

Even though I know that God isn't up there waiting to slap me on the hands or put me in "time out" I feel so picked on.

I'm falling apart at the seams. My body is failing me. I can't will it back together. I can't take another supplement, do more PT, pray harder than I have.
I take Motrin EVERYDAY.
No one tells you that even when you get through cancer you are not done.

I feel like I am literally coming UNGLUED.

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; From the depths of the earth you will again bring me up" Psalm 71:20

I read this verse this morning in my devotion. My heart wept and my body had chills as God was speaking directly to my broken heart.
"You have to believe that God will restore you Anita."
I don't like to sit around and wallow in my misery. I try so hard to live life to the fullest. But I am coming unglued and my body is still wrecked from cancer.
 "TNBC is one of the worst breast cancers you can get, wasn't that enough God?"
I rode my bike without any music, I needed to hear my thoughts. I didn't need any distractions.

This is how many of us feel. Especially as we feel the affects of age.
Keep the Faith. When I read Gods words I new it was His perfect timing to give me comfort. It didn't miraculously remove my burning heal pain or make my knee strong but it glued my heart a little more.

ACTION: 
As I turned my head deep into my pillows last night trying to swallow back the tears of frustration Andy gently but boldly said "ACTION".
"Nita, you have to take action..."
So I did. I have an appointment tomorrow with Dr. Abraham to look at my heel.

No running today or yesterday.

Patience.
Prayers
Pause.

Not necessarily in that order but these simple words help me from being unglued.
Keep the Faith that God will restore.

"Praise works best at the start, before the miracle, before the breakthrough, before the restoration."

Anita~