Your Grace is Sufficient

Ashely and I taking a selfie enjoying the beautiful sunrise. 

1 Cor. 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

One year ago, I was on a work trip in Lake Tahoe. I had hair. I had eyebrows.
I didn't know I had cancer.
6 months later I would get the news. Stage 2 Triple Negative breast cancer with BRCA 1.
My entire world changed.


Wednesday we came in like a roaring pack of hyenas into the chemo room. Mom made everyone her famous cookies. We laughed and chatted with everyone and Andy sweetly passed out cookies to all the patients and their family.
I actually knew 2 people there. I am pretty certain that they didn't know me. You look a lot different with no hair.
It is BAD chemo week. that's what I call it, they had to give me both Carbo and Taxol. I was there from 1-4:30.

Before I totally cashed out one of my favorite ladies had her LAST treatment! I had bought the Chemo room a black iron bell to ring when someone finishes chemo.  When you finish chemo it is a BIG deal. I can hardly wait. Andy just happened to overhear her say it was her last treatment. He jumped up and got the bell out of the box and walk to the center of the room. He held the bell high, with the sweetest smile she reached up and the bell was rang for the first time. Everyone clapped and cheered for her. It was so precious.

My numbers were not good. I squeaked by. I was frustrated. I thought they would be better. My hemoglobin dropped to a 9. My white count only raised from a .6 to a 1.2.
And now my body is going to take a greater hit with the Carboplatin.
I am feeling beat up. I am working harder at disguising it. Only now I am getting tired of trying to.
I am almost done.
I feel like the lil engine who could. "I think I can, I think I can..."
We left in a downpour. I was barely awake, droggy and lethargic.

MOM trying to figure out how she was going to get her car....ANDY!!

I was grateful I was able to get 6 miles in before chemo. And TRAIL miles with my friends. It has been a long time since I have gotten to play on our trails with them.

Holly Rec, Lake Loop. 

The Aftermath.
A rainy day makes a sick day more acceptable for me. And I was sick.
My body was slumped. My mind was foggy. My skin wouldn't stop sweating and I would get so scared because my breathing got so shallow. Once I woke up to Andy sticking a thermometer under my tongue and taking my pulse.

I was so sick all I could do was sleep, at one point I was so hot I slept on the floor. Sheba never left my side. 

And I sleep, hoping when I wake up I will feel better. I woke up at 3:30 am. I tossed and turned, finally getting out of bed at 6:20am.
I thought I felt good.
Good enough to do my morning routines.
I even got the kayak out to meet some friends. 30 minutes into paddling I was feeling green.
I wanted to stay and play but I thought I was going to toss my cookies, only I hadn't eaten anything. It occurred to me that I had been sick but I wanted to play so bad I had denied my nausea.
I found a tree when we returned and my body just dry heaved. I just wanted to get home.
My brother called me on my way home and I felt the tears billowing from my eyes. I felt so weak. My throat was lumped as I felt anger rising, "Get a hold of yourself Anita,"
I made it through the day.
I didn't dust, vacuum, or clean. I slept. My body was and is exhausted, tired, sick and hot.
Last week I ran 14 miles, I cleaned, I redecorated, everything was completely different.
And just like that...….Here I am.


Ashley sent me the opening photo this evening. The photo represented for me just a daily reminder of how precious life is.
In one year EVERYTHING changed for me.
In the last 6 months I have had to find a new normal.

I have had to 

• Practice finding the silver lining in ALL things. 
• Finding gratitude daily, no matter what.
• Being thankful for the little things.
• Not letting Cancer direct, correct or disconnect me. 
• Hold onto my passions, my dreams, my hopes. 
• Believe that God is using me, He equipped me for this fight, I am honored to be His soldier, to fight the good fight in His honor, Glorifying Him every mile. 

Yes, oh that last one is everything.  

 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Ahh, yes. I can not complain. I have felt His power in my weakness. He has granted me my dreams, He has put a spirit in me that I have never felt, strength, acceptance, perseverance, hope....

He has supplied me with LOVE like I have NEVER felt. I am brought to my knees daily with the outpouring of LOVE , kindness and generosity. 

I feel so unworthy of all His grace and mercy. 

If I can advertise anything to you...Read those bullet points AGAIN..If you are in a valley they will bring you to the mountain tops. 

Its a daily practice. 

But He has given me BREATH to BREATHE...And with it in my gratitude I will continue to praise HIM. 

Special thanks to Claudia for an amazing dinner.

Sweet potato and black bean burritos, incredible. I was so sick, it was such a HUGE blessing to me and my family. She also made us tater tots and sloppy joes, Alecs favorite. 

Ruth G. made Andy her famous Lemon pie...Not a crumb left there either! 

I have soo many more thank you's I am just so tired. 

Anita~