Keep on Keeping on

  Galatians. 6:9 

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

I feel like I have been going full speed for a couple weeks now. I feel torn in many different directions and just trying to find a little bit of balance. 

I have recited this verse several times as I feel physically and emotionally depleted. 

I have really tried to keep the most positive vibes around me but we live in a broken world. It isn't that simple. 

Today, I saw my surgeon. I had heard many good things about him. Dr. Sullivan. He was all that I had heard. Funny, Straight forward, gentle, informative and the list goes on. 

He came into the room with two scribes. 

He had me put on a paper gown telling me to wear it "Clint Eastwood Style" I will be honest I had no idea what he was trying to say. I actually put it on backwards! I have been poked so much that I just turned it around in front of him, I don't have that much to hide. And besides he was going to be examining me anyway. 

My examination was a lot of  "Yep, got it, yep got it, yep got it....." he recited this every time he came across another lump that I had shared with him as if to confirm with me. 

He went through my history of cancer saying "I am very black and white...." speaking in a lot of medical terms he shared his plan of action. Speaking in my laymen's to him I tried to recite what I thought I heard. "So you want me to get a biopsy asap of the lump on my breast but not the ones under my arms?" 

He quickly replied "YES, that one has to come out....."

I was doing my best to process his words and understand it all at the same time. 

The lumps under my arms he believes to be a result of the lump on my breast. The very lump that I had went into to get a mammogram for a few months ago and the radiologist said "We are going to keep an eye on this and I will see you back in 6 months." 

That now HAS TO COME out. 

He was able to get me in tomorrow for a biopsy and from there we will get the results on the lump. Dr. Sullivan wants to have that lump removed in the next 10-14 days. 

I am thrilled we are moving so fast on this. 

I am trusting in God and believing he is in full control. 

It would be easy to let this rent space in my head and worry about the things I can not. 

But there is too much to do. 

Life does has not allowed me to go on pause. 

Life throws us a few curve balls, some hit us, some miss us, but we sometimes need to take the hit, and get back out there and finish the game. 

People need us, There is always something to do. 

Yesterday in full exhaustion after working all day I had to be at church for a leader meeting at 6. 

Tuesday night is our addiction night. It was full of tears, confusion and emotion. I have never sweat so bad. I was hurting so bad for those that were hurting. 

I was praying that God gave me the right words.

I was praying that God gave ears to hear and would soften hearts to heal. 

I was afraid of conflict and confrontation. 

I was afraid of myself, desperately praying God would speak through me and I would not use any of my words. 

My group was packed. We had to add more chairs. 

I felt God moving, hearts open, tears were being shared and love was abound. 

I left my house at 7:30am and wouldn't be home until almost 10. 

My drive home my mind still racing as I just tried to relax. I had 12 messages on my phone. 

I was too tired to even look at them. 

"Be weary in well doing..."

By the time I got home a had another half dozen messages. They were sweet, kind and restoring. As fatigued as I was, I was blessed by those messages of encouragement. 

We cant quit. We have to continue to fight the good fight. We have to have the Zeal of a Zealot and continue to go one more round never giving up.

Anita~