CRAZY or DEDICATED

"....you guys are really dedicated..." 

I was half soaked and sweating at the same time as we came up the hill trying to catch our breath. 

Dedicated?...or CRAZY? 

HE called me dedicated...I call myself CRAZY!

Maybe just a bit emotionally challenged.
Yes, I like that. I have these days I am a emotional garbage dump. Its like I just go dumpster diving in sadness, anger, resentments, confusion…. 
It does not matter how I escape. I can't get the stench off me. It is a cocktail of crazy.  

Dedicated. It was after all raining cats and dogs and I was on a course that was clobbering me with hills. I was feeling a bit dedicated.
But still more crazy.

The punishment felt good. The voices were loud. Lacey kept reeling me back in.

We chatted the first couple miles but we ran mostly silent. silent from vocabulary words but not heavy breathing.

Sometimes Running seems like the only SOLID I still have.  It allows me to feel a little effective. Dedicated. Yes.
Running in the rain with winds whipping leaves at you makes you feel a little more than nothing.

I have these days I feel this turmoil. I feel ineffective.
Days I annoy myself and can see my high strung behavior annoying others.
Days when I wonder why I haven't heard from so and soo ….
Days when I wonder who rolled there eyes at me that I DIDN'T notice.
Sometimes it isn't a DAY... rather a moment. And stupid me, I let it effect my day.

So I run in the rain. I run in the cold. I look forward to the fight. The grind. It is the only thing I can control. I can push.
Pushing myself to that next level is not a punishment as much as it is a purpose.

I guess today it just reminded me to not wuss out. I came up to hill after hill after hill. At first I would tackle it and half way up I would be out of breath, weak and defeated.
Then I tried another approach. SLOW DOWN, BREATH and you will go a lot farther.

That was my lesson today.
Try something new. Calm down. Breathe. Think. Conquer.
The rain washed a lot of my emotional debris away.

I finished my day beautifully. I baked, I was spoiled with a great friendship, my girlfriend brought me lunch and I enjoyed my family trick or treating.

My elevation was like my emotions today! WOWZA! 

Anita~