Monday, May 21, 2018

My Mindful Chaos.

Being alone with myself is a place I prefer to go alone. I spent almost 4 hours today inside my own head.
I hit the trails alone.

Within minutes of being on the trails, my thoughts were colliding.
I looked down the trail head, everything looked so different. Just a few weeks ago the forest was bare and vacant.
Greenery landscaped everything. The woods were full of life. chipmunks raced across the trail completely unfazed by my presence. Squirrels squealed at each other having full conversations.
The spiders were hiding but left their hardwork across the trail, webs everywhere.
The forest was so fragrant. Flowers bloomed leaving a sweet smell wafting through the cool morning breeze. It really was lovely.

The trail was wet and muddy. I was trying to watch my footing all the while dodging picker bushes that seemed to be reaching out for me.
My skin was cold to touch leaving a welcomed chill.
But my thoughts were colliding.

With all my thoughts I had roaming in my mind all I could focus on was the trail.

The ROOTS, they tangled around each other. The PICKERS stretching out, reaching out in my direction. The MUD, so dark and black, a very unwelcomed puddle of slick, thick sludge.

ALONE, I ran, praying for safety, security, and serenity.

This was LIFE. We are all just trying to get through our path in life. The trail looked so different than it had just a couple weeks ago. I ran confused on how I could run this trail so many times and yet it felt so foreign to me. It left me confused and nervous. I felt like I had experienced this trail enough I should be more confident in myself. But I wasn't.
The ROOTS were stronger, thicker, wild and ambitious to take my footing.

As the miles added up the sun burned the chill in the air creating a warmth that wanted to fatigue me.

The SUN peaked through the open trees. I smiled. Gods Light shining on me. Reminding me HE was in my presence. Even in some of the darkest parts of the forest I felt him leading me. His rays cut through the thickest of the woods. Even the PICKERS appeared to retract.

In my mindful chaos, I felt Gods presence seeping through my darkest places. I was tripping over my thoughts and being poked by mistakes, regrets and fears. I found myself getting stuck on stupid letting negativity hold me down.
LIFE. That's LIFE.
We are all trying to get through the path before us. I wondered if I should create my own path. I saw several footprints in the dirt laid out by those before me. At first, I tried to land in their footprints. But there was a small voice that said "Leave your own prints, don't follow someone else's, create your own..." I pounced up, looked forward to faithfully make my own path through the thick soil braded with angry roots.

We all have places to be. We all are desperately trying to get from point A to point B with as little damage as possible. We get so tired. Bruised and beaten up by life sometimes we feel like we just want to throw in the towel.
I felt Gods presence...In the stillness of the forest. No distractions from the rest of the world. Quiet inside myself. Just trying to get through.
I felt comfortable, maybe even a little too comfortable. I should have made a left turn at the trail marker. I had finished my 3 loops.
But I didn't. I made a right and decided to push on, another 5 miles. The real character is birthed in discomfort. Faith is exercised in emptiness. Trust is brought forth in uncertainty.

I didn't know what the next 5 miles would look like. I knew it was going to be hard and I knew I was tired.
But I did it. I think it is important to not stay too comfortable. Don't just coast through life. Yes, life will beat you up, hold you down and even trip you up.
I encourage you to look for that ray of light dancing through the darkest places of life.
Don't give up.
Don't Quit.
Stay on Course.
Make your own footprints.
Push your limits.
Have Faith.

RUNDOWN:
Distance: 20 miles
Pace: 11:30min/mi
Time: 3:45
Where: Holly Rec





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