Looking Again: a New Perspective

All Saints Episcopal Church, EST. 1837.

You hear people all the time say "You need to look forward."
I have always thought the past can change the future.
Yesterday is a great teacher with the proper Perspective.

Training for my first 100 miler has me looking at my yesterdays often. I pull out my old running logs. I compare my mileage for not just the week but the months. Yesterdays are a good gauge.
I have had a lot injuries in my yesterdays.

• 2 ACL surgeries in a year.These injuries put me out for WEEKS. 12 weeks NO weight bearing.
• One meniscus.
• I have had two ITB injuries, these also put me out for weeks, requiring PT.

In 5 years, I had a significant injury EVERY year. They were not all running related but left me out of commission and confused.  

I have spent a lot of time in what I called my "Prayer Chair" spending "Be Still and know.." time with God.

I would sit in that glider rocker with my immobilizer crying "God, please, please give me peace if you do not want me to run."

I Never Got Peace.

I always heard God say "BE STILL..."

I wanted God to fix things. I wanted him to give me miraculous healing. Rather "I'm sorry Anita, I want you to go another 2 weeks with  crutches."

I wanted to quit. I wanted to give up. But I knew this was not the time for complacency, the time to get defeated, this was the time for FAITH.

I knew that I needed to look again to know how to look ahead, but I also needed to see my future from a new Perspective. Not as defeated. Not as discouraged, not as depressed. But as Perseverant. With Wisdom and Faith that God would take care of me. 

I had to use my yesterdays to make good tomorrows.

Pain is a great teacher. However, many of us don't want to recall pain. We don't want to feel pain.

My injuries were never the painful part. It was listening to a voice BIGGER than myself telling me to BE STILL and have FAITH in the process.

I learned GOD wanted to use me in my weakness. Every time I came off an injury I got stronger and faster. Every time I listened and let my body heal I was blessed with victories I could not have imagined.

I didn't fight the process, I accepted with trust and FAITH.

~~~~~~~~~

My grandparents, my uncle and I am not sure who is in the middle.

This week my son took me to see my father. My dad  died when I was 11 and I knew very little about where he was buried or IF he was even buried. We went on a adventure to find where my father was buried.

This is my grandmother whom I never met. Both my grandparents died in their 60's. My dad died at 48.
We never found my father, We later found out he was cremated. But we were also told he didn't have a headstone.

I looked again at my yesterdays.

My yesterdays hold a lot of pain. But its a beautiful reminder God isn't there to always FIX our problems, sometimes I believe he wants us to FIX our PERSPECTIVE.

I look at my yesterdays and they are not so rosey, not so kind, God didn't miraculously take my problems away, but he DID take CARE of ME in them.

Sometimes we think God is supposed to just make everything better. But what are we learning there?

It is FAITH not SIGHT.

There is so much beauty in our pain. With the right Perspective your heart will show you. After pulling out of MT HOPE cemetery, Austin drove me about 2 miles away to WILLIAMS STREET.

 All Saints Episcopal church has rested on that corner for over 150 years. I would go to this church with my grandmother on Sundays. My Grandmother was very stoic. She was as tough as nails but as soft as a kitten. I carry great joy and happiness reminiscing of our Sundays going to church together.

The Rose Kneale Room. We would have coffee,tea and cookies here after service. It is EXACTLY the same. I used to sit on that red bench in the sun by myself while my grandmother visited. Very Special Memory

Looking back may hold pain, but it can also hold beauty with the right Perspective.  

It can be a teacher if you trust in the process. If you have Faith.

RUNDOWN:

Distance: 16miles

Time:2h:53min

Location: Holdridge Grubers Grinder. I was so stoked after finishing this trail run. It wasn't because I was sweating like a stuck pig that I was happy. It wasn't because I would no longer have to contend with bugs and flies gnawing at me. It wasn't because I didn't have to smell myself and the funk I carried, or that I wouldn't be hopping over anymore snakes thinking they own the trail. NO, I was giddy because we ran our fastest time out on the trails! OH and that I could still walk, breath and live to talk about it!

Rather than ask God to change your circumstances, ask God to change your Perspective.  I challenge you to look AGAIN. Do you have a teachable hear? Are you allowing God to heal you or are you taking the reigns? You cant Heal if You never quit moving. Be still. Have Faith.

Anita