Pursue Dream Fail

This evening, I was at a bible study with young ladies and heard my phone vibrating. As discretely as I could, I pulled my flimsy cotton handbag unto my lap. Quietly, I reached inside to notice I had missed several messages.

But one caught my eye.

It was from Claudia.

All it showed was "My running blog for today...."

Trying not to get to distracted, (which is a very difficult task for me) I was excited to get home to read it.

I have read this many times. But I was enticed to read it yet again.

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

Claudia shared some good wisdom and even better reminders. I needed to read this.

One of my biggest enemies is myself. My thoughts, my insecurities, my failures, my fears, my heartaches. I can do more damage to myself then my biggest adversary.

Its that stinking thinking.

If I am not intentional, I can feed negative thoughts, allowing them to camp in my head.

This has been a rough several days. Desperately, I am trying NOT to feed into negative thinking.

Anger, confusion, hurt, to name a few, slowly erodes my joy and peace leaving me depressed. An emotion that I am not real familiar with.

Gratitude.

After the ladies bible study, the group likes for each person to go around and say one thing good.

I had so many..

1. I slept through the night, waking up at 6am.
2. I met Jeff at the gym for a great run and lots of laughs.
3. I got a new garage door and love the fact I can pay cash for it and still eat!
4. I was honored that Leonie invites me to this young ladies bible study,thinking I have some wisdom to add to the meeting.

But the one I shared..."I was so excited to get 3 bathrooms cleaned in under an hour!"

It's the little things! If you can't find Gratitude in the LITTLE THINGS, how do you see it in the BIG THINGS?

RUNDOWN:

Distance: 7.30

(6.25 mile progressive run, Jeff and I hit the track for 1 lap walk, 1 mile easy jog, NO strides, we both had leg issues today)

Jeff had a fun old man laugh at me today. He had us doing these abs where you hang your arms in stir-ups then dangling from the ground you lift your legs toward your chest. I could do those, but then the last set he decided to change it up. This time you had to lift your knees to your chest THEN straighten your legs into about a 45' angle. Never letting them dangle, but immediately bringing your knees  back to your chest, for 8 times.

So I stepped my 5'1 frame unto the bench. I reached my arms through the holsters, grabbing on to the above connecting pieces of fabric. I pulled my body up, my feet dangling as I brought my knees up, except, I couldn't get my legs to go straight. My legs were kicking and shaking as I tried to duplicate Jeff's smooth motion.

I got so tickled. I cracking up, Jeff was gloating at the fact he was so much better at it then I was. I took a deep breath "I got THIS.." But I didn't! Again, my legs were flailing in the air. I couldn't get the angle right, Heck, I couldn't even get any angle. Jeff was calling me names, I was laughing so loud at my inability to do this move that people were now watching me.

"OK, OK, JEFF, I just need to be serious, SHH...."

And I did the most pathetic looking leg lift I could.

"HEY! How was that?" I giggled to Jeff.

That was the biggest candy a$$ looking lift...."

"WHAT? Forget it, I am DONE, these are STUPID, I am doing them the normal way!" I barked as I did 10 reps the normal way.

I have known Jeff for about 10 years. He always makes me laugh. Today, as we "JOGGED" around the track for a mile he says "You know what a good running partner is?"

I was afraid to ask. I thought it was a trick question. I have never been good at POP Quizzes.

"A good running partner should be fun, someone that makes running fun, You make running fun, I couldn't run with you everyday though..." 

I smiled.

I LOVE running, and I love being goofy, silly, slightly immature but being ME.

Today I fed gratitude, friendships and positivity.

Jeff's Wisdom: PURSUE: DREAM: FAIL

Jeff told me his wife, Barb has always allowed him to do these 3 things. It really struck me in the heart.

When I left the gym I texted Andy those 3 words.

He was confused.

I called him to thank him for being that husband to me.

20 years of marriage hasn't always been peachy keen and Jim Dandy with me. But HE has always allowed me to do those things.

Even this 100M race in October. He SAYS he wont support me because he thinks it is outrageous, and I totally agree...But deep down, I know he will.

I am way MORE scared. Heading into unchartered territories, CLUELESS.

HAPPY thoughts...Happy Thoughts!

Anita