MEH.

Just the thought of waking up to the sunshine makes me smile all over.

I didn't think I did any damage to my body on yesterdays long run.

But you would have thought I had ran a marathon at a BQ-ing pace the way my body responded on my run today.

I knew my run with Danielle was going to be special for multiple reasons. The sun started my day. As I was almost into Kensington Metro park Lacey called and she called as a half dozen deer came out in front of my truck. 3 of them turned back into the woods where they came from. I put Lacey on speaker phone as I snapped pictures. I love chatting with my friends and I LOVE seeing deer. 2 awesome moments as I headed to another adventure with Danielle.

Danielle suggested we run the loop backwards.

It didn't matter how sunny, how many deer, how awesome my company was, I was so fatigued.

Danielle was so gracious with my recovery run.

I hadn't felt this bad on a run in a long time. I had a million reasons why and I am sure they all played a part.
Distance: 9miles
Pace: 9:15.

I write. I try to dissect my thoughts.

The crappy part about being so "high energy" is when your not "HIGH".
YOU are LOW.

I will come out of this. But it has a hold on me. I will smile if I see you, laugh even. You may never detect it.
But I am seriously struggling. Tears are welling up, my heart is beating all over.
Its a pit.
darkness.
confusion.
emotional hauntings.
I want to escape for just a few days. I need to be away from even myself. I scare even myself. I don't recognize me. Its a constant anxiety attack.

Tomorrow is a new day. I am on day 3 of this pit. Hoping tomorrow will be better.

Anita