Somewhere between Reflections and Resolutions

Reflection 2016.

"For last year’s words belong to last year’s language and next year’s words await another voice.” — T.S. Eliot

Cloudsplitter 100k

• Ran my first 100k, Cloudsplitter. One of the hardest things I have ever accomplished.
• Started running with new people, Ken, Matt, Kris and Rachel. All trail runners. This crew is very encouraging and supportive, constantly raising the bar.
• I ran the most trail miles ever. This allowed me to get more comfortable on the trails by myself. I was always too scared to run on them alone. Such a wuss. Guilty of jumping from my own shadow.
• 2016 invited a new me, a more independent me. The older my children have gotten the less they want to hang out with me. I put myself on hold for my family, and wouldn't change a thing. But it has been a bit heartbreaking not being needed as much. My boys are independent and don't want mommy coddling them anymore. I have embraced my friendships this past year. I did a lot more adulting.
• I had a couple interpersonal epiphanies. 1. I am done entertaining relationships that are never going to work. 2. Learning to love myself. I don't love everything about myself because I am still a hot mess, but I give myself a little more grace. 3. I have learned to let people go. You can  not convince people to love you, like you or accept you, if you are working that hard then you need to ask yourself WHY?. 4. I am done trying to have people fill a void in me that was never meant for them to fill. It is not fair to them or me. Only God can fill that void. (EXPECTATIONS ARE PREMATURE RESENTMENTS.)

Resolution 2017.

"And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been."

Rainer Maria Rilke

This is a tough one. I have not really thought much about this.

• Run my first 100M without dying or getting eaten by bears.
• Try and qualify for Boston with Lacey for 2018.
• Enjoy more sunsets and sunrises.
• Read more scripture and do my devotional more religiously.
• DON'T GET INURED!

Lets get up to Date:

December Miles: 144

Total Miles for 2016: 2

Ran a lot of miles this past year with Lacey.

December 31: New Years Resolution 5K. 

I picked Lacey up at 23 and Hill rd. I was cracking up as she jumped in my car with all this New Year paraphernalia. I put the silver  NEW YEAR head band on instantly over my pink hat. We were both wired and ridiculous.

We met so many people up in Flint. Ken H. was waiting for us and had picked my bib up for me. I was especially looking for Jeff. I was stoked when he actually committed to racing this. Lacey was looking for Melissa and her husband. And we kept seeing people we knew in between.

My plan was to run moderately, have fun and not throw up.

Lacey was bandit running it. She was gonna stay with me. Minutes before the start we were chatting with Ken and I realized I was overdressed. Like lightning Ken took my pullover and ran it to his car right by the stating line. But we lost him. When the gun went off or whatever they did to commission us to go we went. Lacey and I were looking for Ken. Ken crushed me the last time we ran this together. I was hoping I could stay with him a bit. Lacey spotted him abut 50 feet ahead of us. We slowly caught up to him. Lacey was really pulling me along. I felt great. Surprising good considering I had just taken off high heels less than an hour before the race. I had worked the last 2 days in heels and overbooked. But my legs were forgiving. We stayed with Ken for 2 miles, I wanted to go. So we went.

Lacey kept looking at our pace. "Anita, what are you doing? Hold back." I let Lacey keep an eye on my pace. I decided I wanted to run a sub 8 minute mile.

At mile 3, "Nita, I thought this was a fun run, if you want to go, let me know." Breathing heavy I replied "NO, I am dying, I just gotta stay under 8..." I still felt good but held back enjoying breathing.

I passed one of my XC kids and we actually stayed with her for a couple minutes in hopes we could pace her. When it was evident she was struggling we picked it up. "Keep your Eye ON ME..." I yelled back as we moved on.

I think Lacey was surprised I was moving at the pace I was running. I think even I had surprised myself. But it really felt good. The last mile I started to pick it up more until I saw a big stinking hill.

"Anita, you are running a 7:30min/mi, you can drop it back a bit up the hill and you will be fine." Lacey encouraged me.

Up the hill, I caught my breath and picked it back up. I could see the finish line, downhill. Lacey was falling behind, "Anita, you gotta turn them over, NOW." I was scared it was too soon. She screamed at me from behind "NOW! GOOO TURN IT OVER, Go GOOOO" I looked at the two runners in front of me and did everything to close the gap. I could still hear Lacey "GO NITA, GOOO!" I love that girl.

I also love a downhill finish.

Results:

Time: 39:04

Pace 7:52

Division: 1st place in my age group.

NEW YEARS DAY.

No one to run with. I decided since it was 2017 I needed to start the new year off with 17 miles.

It made perfect sense.

This was going to be quite the bump from my last long run that consisted of 14 miles.

This is how I did it:

I added walk breaks to bring my pace down. I made sure I was drinking my water and chomping on the sports beans that Kris gave me. The walk breaks give me something to run towards and stretches out my legs. Interval training is good injury prevention. I needed to play it safe and not let my ego interrupt intelligence.

I wanted to hold a 10 min/mi. However, even with walk breaks I still ended up with a 9:30pace. I am not sure where that came from but I was pleased and exhausted the rest of the day.

Holly Rec Trails.

Today, I had no idea how my legs were going to feel. But they were still in working order.

I met Ken and Matt for 6 miles on some icy trails. Not enough snow for my new Kahtoola's and my Yak Trax were more of a hassle than anything.

But it was fun. Matt took a spill in front of me. But he was up and at it without blinking an eye. The weather was beautiful. 43' degrees when we finished. We were all sweating.

Glad we ran when we did, the day got gloomier and gloomier.

Between falling asleep somewhere after 2am and all that running, I accidently nodded off today. It was a welcomed nap.

My oldest son got a new Canon Rebel T6 for Christmas, He snapped this. Weird to see your profile pic.I  am seeing all 43 years sneaking on me.

Closing. Another year, another opportunity to try to get it together a little more. I have gotten better in many ways but I am slacking in other ways. Some times I wonder if I have the energy to keep working at it. But I know, I NEED to keep pressing on. There are things in my life I know I don't have the energy to work on, and most of those things the time has expired long ago to LET IT GO. Time to put some things to bed for 2017.

And right now, I am that thing that needs to go to bed!

Anita~