When your just "Not Feeling it"

Some days you just don't feel it.

I remember a conversation with a runner, a distance runner, who said they went out for a run and after a mile came home. He said "I just wasn't feeling it."
"1 mile?!" I thought. That seemed crazy. I would burn more energy getting ready to run and if I took that much time then I would just HAVE TO RUN.
Now, that being said, I wouldn't turn around after a mile, I just wouldn't start!

That is pretty much how I felt this morning. I wasn't feeling it.

I woke up in my sons bedroom, on his spare bed. Andy came to bed late, woke me up, then tried to use my back as a Ipad desk to read on. I was trying to not go Latino. I calmly got up and went to bed with Alec.
I slept pretty good, I just wasn't feeling it, the RUN.
I was feeling a lot this morning.
And that was probably the problem. When you have all these emotions but cant find a word for them, a compartment for them, a reason for them..Yep, Welcome to PMS. GRR!
Aunt Lois had sent me a blog to read first thing in the morning and I was in meltdown mode.TEAR-FEST.

Then the text came "RUN FOREST RUN". It was Andy.
I picked up the phone and spoke to Andy about everything but the PMS thing. I never bring that up because then he looks at me weird for the next 5 days. Saying things like, "I think your a little emotional...angry, over-reactive..." That's usually when I become all those things in a snap!

But Andy said something wise. "You need to be doing hills, lots and lots of hills, Hill repeats, Up and down then UP and down..."
The more he spoke the quicker I was changing. The faster he was motivating me. I had to suck it up and get out there and run, HILLS.

I headed down E Holly RD. The road is a barrage of hills. I normally run with Danielle on Thursdays but she had an obligation with the kiddos. I wasn't planning on running hard, definitely NOT hills, if I was even planning on running at all.
But here I was picking a hilly 8 mile route. I wasn't convinced I wanted to hurt.

Aside from not feeling the run, not feeling the hills, not feeling the pain..
WHAT I DID FEEL:
I felt winded or maybe it was windy I felt?!
I felt tight, my calves were not loosening up. 
I felt heavy, my legs felt sore from Wednesdays run and leg workout. 
I felt my knees, yes, I was achy, My knees were angry with me. 
I felt the new scab on my bootie, from doing my crunches yesterday at they gym, with a 8lb medicine ball and the incline. 
I felt the snow hitting me in the face, cold wet and refreshing.

I was giving my EVERYTHING, but my EVERYTHING wasnt that great, however, it was still EVERYTHING had in the tank. 

I kept reminding myself it would suck worse if I never started. I knew that I HAD to do this. I had to take the PAIN NOW or when race day came I would have more regrets. You just can't have those, REGRETS, aren't  little things, they are BIG things.

I could hear Andy..."up and down..."
I  ran a  "out and back". I cut my distance down so I could do that stupid hill by my house a couple times at LEAST.
ONCE.."OH GOD..Look up, look up..Go goooo."
TWICE..."ahhh, easy does it, just get up and keep running."
BUT then, I knew I needed to run that stupid hill ONE more time.
THIRD TIMES A CHARM "LOOK AT THE MAILBOX" I screamed at my self. "FOCUS, turn it over, GET UP, make this one your FASTEST." My legs were shaking, I couldn't breath, I pumped my arms and got up on my toes. tackling that hill for the final time.
"God, I am getting so OLD, Thank you Lord, Thank you.." I panted, passing the mailbox and heading down hill towards home.

The whole run I didn't see my pace. I don't have to see my pace to know what it feels like to hurt, to know what it feels like to sweat, be out of breath or want to quit.

Before I even started running I wanted to phone this run in. I gave it my everything, even when my everything was a lot less than normal.
I was surprised to see my pace.

RUNDOWN:
Distance : 8:19
Pace: 8:30
Fastest Mile: Mile 2: 8:15min/mi



NO REGRETS. In EVERY FACET of life. You give your everything, and then try and dig deep for a little bit more. Be kind when you want to rip someones face off, no regrets. Forgive, you never know Gods plan. Life is tricky, there are NO guarantees, that's why you live it with NO regrets, with Integrity, honor, self discipline and LOVE.
Don't wait for your circumstances to change, your emotions to evolve, or people to change. You BE that Change, create your own greatness.

Anita