When you want to come out swinging

I am this twirpy,100lb pipsqueak. A middle child. I have always been told that what I lack in height I make up for in volume.
Growing up was never a quiet adventure. When you grow up in the chaos of addiction you are always in the ring.

You fight to be heard.

You fight to be loved.

You fight to love.

You fight to have faith.

You fight to forgive.

You fight to understand.

You fight to accept.

You fight to survive.

For me it is natural to want to fight.
By that statement alone, you may think I am a scrapper or maybe think I have a chip on my shoulder.

But in content, it means I don't accept things I don't agree with. I'm not confrontation or argumental. I'm just not a victim or someone's mental, physical or verbal abuse.
Most of the time the fight is internal.
Its an emotional dialogue that is interceded with fact, truth, pain or disappointment.

That "fight" has to be fought between "self" before presented outwardly or I believe it is a lost battle.

"Hurting people hurt people"

Recently, I have been suffering a silent battle.
The fight from the beginning never felt natural.

The battle of accusation is an offensive play. Us fighters want to defend ourselves. We want to get in the ring and fight back. No one likes to stand there taking verbal blows. It hurts.

I researched old memories. I tried to locate all the words, situations, circumstances to retaliate. But it  just hurt me more.
My thoughts and internal dialogue felt so counterproductive.
I don't fight that way. If someone is out to hurt me and bring up all my garbage, and trust me, I have a lot, It hurts.
Our mistakes hurt others, but for most of us, they hurt us as well.

The battle doesn't need to be fought throwing hurtful mistakes, words, accusations or assumptions back.

Your best weapon is sharpened out of LOVE not bitterness, wrath, vengeance, jealousy, insecurity or anger.

1Peter 3:9 "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult..."

Psalms 34:14 "Depart from evil and do good."

So many of us will be seeing family members that we have avoided all year long. Over the next few weeks you may even find yourself in a battle. No one is perfect, Not me and not you. It can be difficult to listen to our loved ones share the things we have done wrong. But humble yourself. Seek forgiveness, and fight the battle with LOVE.

Remember to pray.

Rather than asking God to change the circumstance ask God to change your heart.

What wise nuggets could you add to this?

ANITA~