The EEYORE Attitude

 

 

2 Timothy 1:7
  "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power,of love and
of self-discipline."

 

 

It is slow building. It comes on slow. But you feel it growing inside you. It comes unwelcomed.

It is the like you are being invaded from the inside out. It is a bunch of CRAP. That's what it is.

CRAP CRAP CRAP.

This jacked up knee of mine has put me through Mary Kubler-Rosses 4 of the 5 stages of GRIEF.

 

• DENIAL: I just tried to ignore the pain in my knee. I thought I would take a couple days off and it would be better. Ice, rest, elevation...Blah Blah Blah. " Hey, maybe its not really that bad, Hey, maybe you are a bigger moron that you are letting on Anita."
• ANGER: Angry. ANGRY.. Seriously I ran 26.2 miles and NEVER had a problem. I run a routine 8 miler and my knee jacks all up on me. Yeah, I am a little MEXICAN ANGRY to say the LEAST.
• BARGAINING: I thought maybe I could reason with my knee. Maybe I could take enough Motrin to help my knee and trade in my kidneys. Maybe I could not run on my knee for a couple days or run extra slow or even run/walk. I thought I might even be able to speak power words over my knee, I thought I could even try and bargain with God. I spoke  many "Please, Please  God". Yeah, none of the above worked. Note..God does not bargain, at the point of thinking that was a possibility, I realized I was working myself into the next stage...
• DEPRESSION: This is where I fell into myself today. I just sunk into a pit of depression. I am registered for The Crim, The Detroit Marathon and I wanted to run another Ultra this fall. I have made my MRI appointment and set an appointment up with a Knee Specialist. I considered a shrink. The more and more I thought about all the places my running takes me, all the people I have met, all the Joy I have from running, the more I found myself buried in the pit.
• ACCEPTANCE. NOT HERE. NOPE. I don't throw the towel in that easy.

SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP.

Without further ado I turned the switch on. I got off my poor whiny butt. I briskly marched to the bedroom to change. Running was not a wise option. SO with a swift back hand off the pity pot I got on my bike.

It was 75 degrees out.  The sun was shining with warm air wrapping around me.

I fumbled my feet into the pedal straps of my old Schwinn mountain  bike. "Turn Em' Over girl." I coached the old mantra back into my blackened spirit.

I just wanted to go fast. I wanted my lungs to burn. I wanted my heart to race. I pedaled harder. I didn't care what I looked like. Here I was riding my old bike like a 14 year old through the Village of Holly. The breeze blowing my bad attitude away with each mile.  The sweat began to bead up in my brows, my thighs began to burn. I felt love.
 

2 Timothy 1:7  For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and
of self-discipline.
 

I wasn't sitting at home like Eeyore with my tail between my legs. I was feeling God power me up. It took everything I had to not lace my shoes up. Danielle had even texted me as I was getting ready to leave the house to be my verbal conscience.

I road my old bike with all I had. Powering up the hills with the burn of intensity. I road my bike to the state park where I saw 2 runners I knew out there. We chatted a few minutes before I headed out.

I could have road my bike till I couldn't sit on a seat for a week. It was so freeing to remove my baby pants full of my crappy attitude.

I ran 11 miles over my Eeyore attitude.

 

It stinks being injured. I am one day closer to knowing what the heck is going on. I even made it one more day without running or ending up in therapy.

 

Anita