This morning I thought I would try to run in order to evaluate and describe my knee pain.
It felt so good to take off running. The pain in my knee started within minutes. I thought I would try and continue to run in hopes that it would just go away. It didn't.
As I finished my first mile, I decided that I would run no more than 3 miles. It was very humid out but the temperature was in the 60's. I did a lot of thinking today.
The discomfort in my knee became part of my run, I thought "..it feels so good to run, I could run with this amount of pain if it wasn't going to do any damage."
My thoughts trailed off when I went googley eyed over this beautiful LINCOLN MARK V11. She was a pearly white and very sophisticated looking. I drooled at her as I passed in front. I was startled as I passed because SHE was speaking to me! I quickly spun around and was quite surprised to see it was an old schoolmate, Jeff Potvin. He looked the same. We always got along good in school. It was great to see him. We chatted like old times, laughing and somehow talking about my running. Funny how so many people know more about you than you realize.
Taking that little break put some fire in my soles. I took off feeling light as a feather. The sweat even felt good dripping down my skin and you know I HATE sweat, even my own.
I was running a sub 8 minute pace. I was taking mental notes of the degree, location, and type of pain I was having. At mile 2 I decided it would be best to not push my limits and throw in the towel.
Only I didn't totally throw in the towel, I used it to wipe the sweat off and hop on my bike!
Was I discouraged? YES
Was I disappointed? YES
Was I in Pain? YES
Was I defeated? NO
I took everything I had, all the mental mess and decided FAILURE was not an OPTION. Just get back up and keep going Nita.
The first few miles I was emotionally numb.
I turned into Seven lakes State park with my quads burning. When I felt my legs getting tired and my lungs stinging I barked at myself "Come On NITA, GO, Go, Get after it."
It had started to drizzle out. My body embraced the moisture and my eyes were in awe of the beauty in the park. The park was lush full of wildlife and greenery. It was breathtaking.
I wanted to punish myself. I wanted the physical pain to trump the emotional garbage I was feeling.
Then it happened. The Flood Gates opened. Everything I had been feeling, angry, disappointed, confused, sad, everything just exploded. It was more than my knee. It was EVERYTHING. It was people, places and things. It was expectations and selfishness. It was the past, the present and the future. But my knee was the catalyst. I always had my legs that I could run everything down. Now the tears were coming down. I felt so broken.
I cried liked a baby for over a mile. I tried to speak to God but even my words were confusing me.
"Why, Why God?"
"Did I Not pray enough?"
"Did I Not Trust you Enough?"
"Your word says that you discipline those you LOVE, are You disciplining me?"
"Your words also say 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
The more and more I recited scripture the more and more I got confused. Then I remember Gods word that says Satan is the Author of Confusion.
"Let it Go, Anita, let it go."
God is GOD. "Trust in the Lord with all thine Heart, Lean NOT on your own understanding, in ALL ways acknowledge HIM and HE will direct Your PATHS."
I let it go.
The Rundown:
14.53 miles on my mountain bike.
Time: 1hour 8 minutes
RUN: 2:36.
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Maw Maw Smith came home today. This was good news.
I had 3 DR appointments today. I knocked them out one at a time. 1pm, 3pm and 4pm in the same building. BAM BAM BAM, just like that!
As Maw Maw was leaving the hospital Dad was coming into the same hospital ER.
There was nothing I could do as I waited patiently for the Dr. to numb my throat so he could jab a needle repeatedly into my neck.
Turns out my ENT Dr. is a big triathlete. We chatted about running and he confessed that he would really like to qualify for Boston. Maybe the needle to the neck was bad but I didn't notice because we were talking about running!
Dad, is going to stay overnight. His test results wont be in until the morning. Andy is off work tomorrow. This works out really good. We ill hear more tomorrow but for tonight dad is in good hands.
That's it for Dr. appointments this week. I think I had 6 appointments knocked out of the ballpark for me. I quit counting. Funny thing about "Thinking". During my MRI today I was asked repeatedly if I had any medal in me. Because I am such a airhead I really had to question myself. It would be just my luck that I did and FORGOT!
Anita
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