1 Chronicles 29:11 “Thine, O LORD is the greatness, and the power, and the glory, and the victory, and the majesty: for all that is in the heaven and in the earth is thine; thine is the kingdom, O LORD, and thou art exalted as head above all.”
Some days it consumes my thoughts, some days I can manage my manic thoughts and some days I just have to feel it all, get mad and get over it.
A few days ago I was at a family event on Andy's side. (Really the only side of family that I have left). His Uncle Rod was here visiting from Iowa. Uncle Rod last week tragically lost his son. I walked into the living room where he was sitting on the couch along side of Uncle Darrell. Uncle Darrell got up and left making a great place for me to sit alongside Uncle Rod.
I had been praying for him all week. I have been so burdened for him. I spoke softly and quietly asking him how he was doing. We spoke for several minutes until he would try to switch the conversation back to me and my knee. I kindly tried to revert it back, only after the 3rd time it was obvious he was not going to let it go.
Sitting up with his legs crossed, direct eye contact and hands crossed on his lap Uncle Rod asked "Anita, What if you could never Run AGAIN?"
This thought is tragic to me. I can hear the whispers. He is not the only one who has wondered this same thought. I do believe he is genuine in his curiosity. He has a kind heart, I don't believe he would think no ill on me. Honestly, I had not been asked that to my face yet. I appreciated his interest in my answer. Now I just had to decipher my thoughts on the question and put it into words.
IF I COULD NEVER RUN AGAIN:
Wednesday I get the results to my MRI.
Quality VS Quanity
"Uncle Rod, I do not want to live until I am 90."
If I died tomorrow than that was the plan all along. If I died Running it would be the perfect plan. Now at 40 years old, I plan to live life with No Regrets. To live my life as full of character, energy and love that I am capable of. I like physical activity. I would be devastated if I could not run. It would have to come to WHY I couldn't run.
I can not wrap my head around the notion of never running again especially when I have programmed myself into believing I will run until I die!
Old Jeff called me this week. He got wind that I was injured and sad. I haven't heard from his since we got back from Boston.
He shared words of encouragement and hope for me.
"Anita, if your running career was over would you say it was successful?" Jeff then added "..afterall you have ran Boston 3 times, Chicago, New York City, Detroit and a 50 mile ultra to name a few."
I knew the answer he was leading me towards. "Yes Jeff." To hear him say my accolades reminded me to be grateful. I have ran races that many run their whole life to accomplish.
I had that spoiled brat in the back of my ear that wanted to shout out "BUT JEFF, I want MORE MORE MORE." I felt like a crack head, it just wasn't enough.
Jeff is an old time runner. He reminded me that having to take a year off or 6 month off is not the end of the world. I have plenty of time to get back on the saddle. Sometimes it is good to take the time and heal up. He is full of runners wisdom and inspiration.
"WE OCCUPY A VERY SMALL PLACE IN THE HEAVENS." (Video)
Jeff knows I am a believer. He reminded me that GOD is GOD. God doesn't have to give a reason, an explanation or an announcement for anything HE does or He allows to happen. He shared this video of the Hubble and outer space with me. The video was a reminder that this universe is so vast and so complex we can NEVER wrap our little minds around it. I was chilled by the 4 minute video. Such a reminder that I am just a nobody in a great big universe. God is in Control. I do not have the power to question God. He Has all the Power.
No matter what tragedy, heartache, loss, or hang up I am going through God did NOT intend it to crush me or destroy me. He created me to be MORE than a Conqueror. He believed in ME before anyone ever believed in me. He has a Plan for My Life. I believe that with all my heart and all my soul.
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| My Old Trusty Schwinn |
I planned to bike 10 miles. I messed up and calculated it wrong. I ended up with 13 miles, shortening my time.
I did however, LOVE my bike Ride out to Seven Lakes State Park.
I saw a deer, watched a snake slither out in front of me, saved 2 turtles and was in awe over the 2 sand cranes just feet in front of me on the way home.
When I am outside inhaling Gods beauty I feel overwhelmed with HIM. I could just envision God speaking to me through the rustling of the trees, through the chirping of the birds and the stillness of the water.
At the Free Press marathon last year, a man had a message on his back: "My doctor said I'd never run again. My God said Have faith in me." You'll get back to it, even if it takes a little longer than you'd like. Stay strong!!!
ReplyDeleteMichelle, You always have the best things to say. Seriously.
Deletethis is my prayer. GOD is Bigger than the Dr's orders, AMen. I am a bit aprehensive to get my results. I am trying not to think about it to much. Today I had a client ask me about my knee. I placed their finger on my knee and open and shut my knee. They jumped and said "WOW, there is something wrong there!" I laughed. It was quite funny to see their reaction to the obvious for me! Again, letting it Go and hoping God gives the orders like you said! Again Thank you for your words.
While many learned professors have abandoned hope of ever discovering the truth behind odds, I for one feel that it is still a worthy cause for examination. Many an afternoon has been enjoyed by a family, bonding over the discussion of odds. Given that its influence pervades our society, odds is featuring more and more in the ideals of the young and upwardly mobile.
ReplyDeleteYou can & will overcome whatever today's mri's results brings. you are one of the strongest and most faithful women I know. I am anxious to hear from you and see you soon!! No matter what, we will bike, walk, & run again:-)
ReplyDelete