"Consulting with Myself"

This morning I had both boys dropped off at school on time at 7:35am.
I had my bag packed, Garmin charged and I was ready to run.

I was looking forward to getting back into my routine. I pulled into the gym with a plan.
It was the "Anita I Need a Plan!" Basically, my plan was a flexible 3 miler. The plan was to see how I felt at the 3 mile mark and then negotiate the plan from that point.

They have a 5k trail marked at Geneysis that I had planned to run. With no rain, I headed out to the trails. I saw so much wildlife. Deer, squirrels, birds and several runners. (they are wild too!)

My routine outside of running is mass chaos. Both kids are in multiple sports. I am coaching cross country 4-5 days a week on top of working part time and running my household.

Running is still a Priority.
My only time to hear myself think is during my runs. The voices in my head are so loud that I struggle organizing my thoughts.
But, while I am running it is quiet. It is me and God.

I thought a lot about Ariel today. Yesterday, I  took her some flowers with my niece Sarah at the cemetery.  

Sarah and I took Ariel some beautiful Purple flowers. Her favorite color.

October 2012, I was registered to run the Detroit Marathon. This was the first time I had ever the  Marathon. I trained very hard to run this. 2 weeks before the starting line, my Ariel was tragically killed in a accident.
I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep and I couldn't think. The only thing I knew was to run.
Even running was foreign to me. I had no idea just a couple days before the race, how I was going to run it.
That marathon was emotionally the hardest marathon I have ever ran. I ran that in Honor of Ariel. I cried a lot. Surprisingly, the weaker I felt the stronger I ran. Those miles through Detroit were all ran with HEART. I remember running at mile 20-21. I cried and cried missing her. 3 hours of running with the feeling of someone inhaling all your air.
I finished that Marathon for Ariel. I dedicated that marathon to Ariel. She was a tough cookie. I held close to her strength that she always carried.  I ran that in both emotional agony and physical turmoil. I started that race depleted.
But I finished that race with the sure knowledge that I honored her.

On my run today, I thought about how Sarah and  I had visited her yesterday. I was so upset when I left the cemetery. The medal I received from my marathon was GONE. Everything everyone else was there. There are several things around her, bears, bunny, Easter eggs, notes, pennies, medal flowers but not MY MEDAL. It had been there over a year and a half with most of the other stuff.

⁶ And I was very angry when I heard their cry and these words.

⁷ Then I consulted with myself,

Neh. 5:5-6

During my run this morning I reminded myself "Anita, it doesn't matter." They are just things.
Emotions can really dismember reason.
With sweat trickling down my eyebrow I could hear God reasoning with me. I took that time running to "Counsel with myself".
I needed to put things in perspective. Oh well, if someone took it. Who knows what happened to it. Build a bridge and get over it.
I hate the feeling of angst. It is not worth it to go through life constantly upset with people, places or things.
When we let drama and chaos control us we are really no longer in control.

I have my moments of sadness. The grief that is hard to disguise or control. But I can control most of my negative emotions.
Running has really helped me compartmentalize those. Often running helps me defuse them all together.
Negative thoughts = negative responses.
LET IT GO.

RUNDOWN:
DISTANCE: 5.52
PACE:7:59
TIME:44.09
RAN 2+ MORE MILES WITH XCountry kids.
Biked 2 miles easy at gym to shake it out.
Total miles-7.82

A couple Running Reminders:

1. Ice Ice Ice! Not just for injury, preventative it equally as important. I put my legs in liquid torture for 20 minutes today. I felt great..After I figured out how to walk on numb legs!
2. You are what you eat! If you are like me and have a busy schedule sometimes it is hard to take the time to sit down and eat. It took me 4 minutes to make a smoothie. Liquid Lunch. Protein powder, Greek yogurt, fruit, vegetables, flax seed..You can do it up.

These are my thoughts..I would love to hear YOURS.
If you have a hard time subscribing check out my Facebook page Running Against the OdDs. I post all blogs and Daily inspiration on there.

Anita