When Pain trumps Influence.

Never are my senses more engaged then when the pain sets in." Dean Karnazes

I ran a lot of miles in just a few days. 67 miles in 5 days. This week was a crazy busy week.
My nephew has been home from bootcamp. He leaves tomorrow for Camp Lejeune North Carolina.
We had the privilege of his company on Thursday.  I made him a feast. In addition, we also had his going away/welcome home party on Saturday and we had family pictures today.
I so badly wanted to do 70 miles. But 67 miles is more than I have ever ran. I am quite happy with the numbers. All my runs this week I am happy with.

Monday: Miles 10.17 Time 1:37  9:34 pace
Wednesday: Miles10.02  Time  1:26 8:36 pace  Ran with Jama. HUMID. Ran hills.
Thursday: Miles8  1:04Time  7:59 pace .Missed running with Danielle.
Saturday:Miles3 Time 21min. 7:04 pace
Austin had a CC meet this day and this inspired me to see how fast my legs would go. OUCH. Everything burned and ached. I thought I was going tTho throw up for a while after. I was so completely surprised the pace I pulled out on this run. Maybe there is something to muscle memory!
Sunday:Miles 10.17 Time 1:37 9:37

This has been a tough week with all the family things. It has been 11 months now since the loss of my Ariel. All these family things are so awkward without her. Well to be completely honest..They were awkward with her only she made me more comfortable with it.
I miss her so bad. Things will just never be the same. Never.

There are so many ways we engage in pain.This week I ran farther than I have ever ran. This week I also had one of my fastest runs I have had in months. Everything hurt. My body screamed in agony from the moment my legs hit the pavement. I remember putting my running shoes on and how my feet just slipped into them with ease. My feet felt foreign to my flats and my heels and my running shoes felt like Cinderella's slippers. The perfect fit. I wanted to feel the pain and run so hard that it hurt to even think. And I did.
Whether the Pain is physical or the Pain is  emotional...How are you engaged??
Today the entire family were all taking turns getting our photos for our family shots and it was a bit stressful. All those personalities in one house. After it was almost finished a person of great influence looks directly at me and comments "I could use a drink after this!"
This person doesn't drink. They want so badly for everyone to be happy.  This was said is in a passive aggressive way. It was  also said it in front of the little ones. This hurt me. It hurt me because we have seen the abuse of alcohol. We forget that our influence should sometimes be more important than our pain. Our influence can last longer than our pain and hurt.   We have to just deal with the pain. Life is not always comfortable. I grew up watching people cope with life through a bottle. Pill bottle or a beer bottle, the pain never went away.
There are runs I so badly want to take pain reliever during my run and yet I know I need to feel the pain. It is just part of being real.
Pain shows up in many different ways. Pain Hurts. Period.

It has been an emotional week. I could totally see myself wanting to use something to not be so engaged in the pain. But by engaging in the pain I know that I am leaning on GOD to do a work in me. Sometimes life hurts. People hurt us. We hurt ourselves. But the best way to get through the pain is to journey through it.

Anita