We all have a little bit of CRAZY in us!

"Focus on our abilities rather than our limitations."

2 DAYS OUT FROM HUNGERFORD 50 MILE RACE:

I find myself wanting to throw up when I think that I still have over 2 hours of running past what I have trained for. I have trained being on my feet for almost 7 hours so 2 hours seem like a possibility. But then I think of all that CAN happen in 2 hours along side of what has the potential of NOT happening!

And my stomach turns.
My stomach turns a lot as of lately.
Today I called to confirm the hotel and they did not have me booked.
Barf in the belly #1
Then I thought I had better confirm my lodging for Detroit. This would be all great only I can not remember where I booked that hotel!!
Puking point #2
Jeff B called to ask some questions about Boston regarding travel for the marathon. This just about threw me into a financial tailspin.
 Vomit point #3
UGH..And none of that even touches NEW YORK CITY in less than 6 weeks.

One day at a time.
We are 2 DAYS out from my ULTRA. I am feeling like this is a bit crazy.
I am feeling I may be a bit CRAZY.
We ALL have a little bit of CRAZY in us.
The Crazy part for me is when people tell me I am CRAZY for all the running. But if I didn't run I would be a WHOLE lot more CRAZY.

As of late I have been struggling with different personalities of CRAZY.
Yesterday evening after my sons Xcountry meet in Flint I drove out to Brighton for a meeting at Brighton Hospital. This is one of the better rehab facilities in Michigan. I really enjoy going to the meetings. I feel that there is always a tool that you can take from the meeting to add to your toolbox.
It may be on forgiveness, anger, enabling, worry, or even being naïve.
Well, a lady was talking about her depression as a result of her child using drugs. My ears perked up to listen to the advice and encouragement that would be given to her from the facilitator.
"You do not have to be depressed. The Circumstances involved in your loved ones addiction are DEPRESSING."
I was trying to relate that to myself. I wake up in a funk and I go to bed in a funk. My mind is completely hijacked by grief losing Ariel. Every day seems like it is getting worse. I am my best when I am around people yet I do not really want to be around people. All I really want to do is RUN. I just can not out run this broken heart. The circumstances are Depressing. I can not hear her voice. I can not touch her hair. I can not see her smile at me in a crowd of family chaos. There is just so much lost. And it is all so depressing. I have never felt like this before.
It is just CRAZY.

HUNGERFORD GAMES  T minus 2 DAYS
I got to run with Danielle. She allowed me to scale back from our 8 mile run. We ran 5 miles then went into Paneras for green teas and water. Together we walked another 2 miles enjoying one another's conversation for a total of 7 miles.
I went home afterwards and stayed there till it was time to get Alec.
My massage was at 4pm. Unfortunately I am getting SICK!  This is pretty common for runners directly before a big race like this. Remember how sick I got before Boston? I thought I was dying. I have never vomited like that in my life. MMM!
This time it is sinuses. I have sneezed a million bazillion times which leads to repeatedly peeing my pants! The boys don't even look at my weird anymore when I quickly grab myself  and cross my legs before my body goes into hysterics from sneezing. It is nothing shy of ridiculous and totally UNLADYLIKE in every way! My entire body lunges forward 2,3,4 5 times as the sneezing belts out.
I have doubled up on my JUICE plus. I have drank enough green tea to start changing colors and I am just about to go into my prayer closet in begging mode.

My bags are packed. I am bringing both pair of shoes. I also have 2 pair of socks. I have my Stinger chews, my Kind Bars, Motrin and both Garmins. I have my amphipod H2O bottle and my belt.
I have my roller and Vaseline (good reminder from Michelle B.)

I am getting a little warm so I am going to take me a big swig of Nyquil and follow that up with prayer. I am going to focus on owning my health and getting better. I am trying not to let being sick trip me up to much.

Today I was entertaining sadness to much. I gave it a foothold and it got the best of me.
 But once again God showed up. The door bell rang, and the most beautiful flowers were staring me in the face.
"Bea" one of my husbands workmates sent them to me. She has been such an encouragement to me. I burst into tears when I saw all the shades of purple. Ariel's favorite color.

God knows that there are circumstances that are depressing. But he has also equipped me with tools to overcome them. I know this. I believe this. It is hard to play out sometimes. God does not want my grief to limit me.
SO Saturday I am going to RUN. And I am going to run for God and allow Ariel to encourage me along the way. I am going to use the abilities He has given me to Honor and Glorify Him.

Please Pray for me.
Anita