I can put a pretty good "Girly" front up but I really like more of the boys stuff than girl stuff. Footballs always felt more comfortable in my hands than Barbies, I liked playing outside more than playing tea party, I love a good pair of blue jeans and high heels seem like they are sexy on everyone BUT me!
And Movies...I love me a good action, beat em up, testosterone filled film. I have never seen Beaches, Fried Green Tomatoes or Steel Magnolias. I loved Fight Club, American History X and The Professional.
So When Austin asked me to watch WARRIOR on Saturday night I was all IN! We popped popcorn in my new Popcorn maker "KELLI" bought me and headed into my room to watch it.
It was a FIGHTING movie. As I watched the movie I could feel my hands fist up, I could feel myself wanting to throw a roundhouse. There was a time in my life I was ANGRY. I was mad at everyone including myself and God. I started Boxing. Kerry Roops S U P E R K I C K S in Rochester. 2 times a week. I Gloved up, put on the pads and beat down the people who had abused me, neglected me, hurt me, and left me. I beat myself down and beat myself up. Anger fueled me. I used to love the sound of my bare feet SNAPPING into the heavy bag. POP! It made a swift CRACK at it collided with the bag. And again and again and again I would hit it. Right, Left, Upper I would hit the heavy bags or the mitts with fiery. I would pretend they were the people that hurt me, the people I felt defenseless against. I never missed a day. I would go in and go right to work for 2 hours straight, not socializing with anything but the mats and the bags and acquainting myself with pain and sweat. I wanted to leave the gym physically beaten down as if it disguised my internal hurts.
There was a girl there that was very skilled in Tae Kwon Do. She could throw a roundhouse like NO ONES business. She was a trash talker and about 15 lbs heavier than me and probably 4 inches taller. One day Kerry had us sparring and told us to Gear up. He put me in the ring with HER! I had in my corner 3 or 4 of the boxers coaching me. I was scared to death but was not going to show it. I put my head gear on, gloved up and last but not least, my mouth guard, I knew I was going to need it tonight.
"SHE" was always at the gym but working her mouth out more than anything. When she would be working out she only threw kicks..and some mighty fine ones. I remember thinking one kick to the obliques and I am done she is going to kick me to Jupiter. Send out a Search and Rescue! DING DING the bell rang. We danced around each other. I moved back and forth as she threw a roundhouse. It sure was pretty but it didn't plant. Every time she threw one of her famous kicks she dropped her hands, never blocking her face. "Anita Jab-Right Nita -Go in" my coaches yelled. "Keep Your hands up, Nita, Move". 4 rounds that's all we did. She landed a couple kicks that I saw stars on but with each jab I threw I felt more anger surface. I was over confident and angry. Her kicks might have had others "throw in the towel" but I only got more angry. RIGHT, LEFT, Uppercut. She was not prepared for the force of the blow on her face. She didn't know what the pain felt like, she didn't know what it was like to DEFEND herself. I finished a winner. Everyone was screaming at me what to do and what not to do. They didn't think I was going to do as well as I did. I went home that night with a black eye. But that was like a trophy to me.
In WARRIOR there are 2 brothers who are fighting. Each for different reasons. One for survival and one for ANGER. The one who is Angry leaves a trail of destruction everywhere he goes. He vomits his anger hurting his loved ones. His Anger is so consuming he can not see other peoples' trials or triumphs. He is in bondage to his self.
"There are ways which seem right to a man but in the end thereof lies Death."Proverbs 14:12
Anger that was me. Mad at the world and everything in it. It wasn't until I learned how to CONQUER myself that I won the REAL BATTLE. The Real Battle was WITHIN. I had gotten so used to the ones that I loved abusing me that I too became self destructive. Anger was what our sermon was on today as well. "Then I consulted with myself..."
Nehemiah was Angry but before he acted he Consulted With Himself.
With each punch of the heavy bag, bloody knuckles and bruised shins I beat my anger out. I boxed till I was 5 months pregnant. I loved Boxing. I felt like a warrior when I beat down my anger and all the faces of my anger. This is where I needed to consult with myself, because I knew that if I uncapped that Anger I would leave behind a nasty mess. I not only was consulting with myself I was wresting with my demons.
There was so much that I wrestled with back then. I still own those Mitts and my shin guards. I am not consumed with that kind of anger anymore. There are things that get me angry, and I "react" inappropriately to it sometimes but today I run. This is where I "Consult with myself" today. Sometimes to late. Running is my time to listen and not speak. Running is my time to dissect my actions and my thoughts that can beat me down. A real Warrior fights to the finish, remembering that sometimes the TRUE VICTORY is Tapping Out and not letting our Anger Own us.
Do you let your Anger own You, doing things you would not normally do or say?
Have you practiced "consulting with yourself" before you REACT?
Have You Seen The Movie WARRIOR? If so what did you think of it?
I really recommend this movie! I would love to hear your thoughts on this movie!
Anita
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