Tears behind the Triumph.

Less than a week out from the Boston Marathon. So many things I have been thinking about.

I so many times feel misunderstood.  I am afraid people will read me wrong or define me incorrectly. Or I think maybe they have it right and I have it wrong.

I really enjoy running. Most of the things I choose to do I really enjoy doing. But it has not always been that way. I am so encouraged by the ones that encourage me because they KNOW me and they KNOW it has not always been this way. They do not see me being braggadocios or conceited. They do not see things are easy and come natural, They see the Tears behind the Triumph and the Pain behind the Prize. 

How did this all come about?  I think this through over and over. "God, why did I choose to be active?" "What made me choose this?" "Who was my inspiration?" ,"My Role Models?" A million questions targeted to WHY have filtered through my mind.

I did not come from parents that were athletes or over achievers. Or even that had outstanding goals. Quite the opposite really. I came from parents that did not see all the possibilities that LIFE had to offer. They were clinging to the possibility that things would change with out them doing ANYTHING to change them their selves. While they were loving parents and did the best they could they were Alcoholics. Their Disease owned them. They sold out to drugs and alcohol to fight their pain for them. 

SO why Anita? Why did I not just follow suit. On a run not to long ago I engaged in this thought for the hundredth time. The word control came to mind. Growing up in a family riddled in addiction you have a couple choices.

1. If you can't beat em' join them.

2. Fight. Fight All of Hell...

I realized I had worked so hard for so many years FIGHTING their addiction. Trying to control them and their choices or lack there of. I was born to fight, I was raised to endure and overcome. But I was fighting the wrong fight. I was using all these qualities for the wrong war. This war was not going to be beat by me. I could not control them or fight hard enough to get them to quit using or love me or themselves more.

When I moved out and started my own life, working out and physical activity was the only thing I could control. I had harvested all they qualities and did not know what to do with them when that war was over. And all these little defects began springing up. ..Anger, Resentment, Unforgiveness, Bitterness.

The only way I could "Control" these were to sweat it out. I would work out so hard the physical pain would trump the heartache. And I would continue this as I do today. Today the heartbreak is much less. But for all those years it produced characteristics that at the time you need to survive. Strength, Endurance, Perseverance, and Hope.  Gratefully,today these same traits make me more than want to just SURVIVE they make me want to THRIVE! To live life to the fullest. 

Life will make you bitter or Life will make you Better. To enjoy not just what is given to you but to reach for the things that Available to you! By taking Control of the things YOU can control frees you to see the things that are available for you. The work we do can be so exhausting and unproductive so why not work just as hard on a VICTORY we can have.

Romans 5:4"...and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope."
TWO CENTS WORTH TIP:

• A child raised in a household where one or both parents are alcoholics has a 3 to 5 times greater likelihood of becoming an alcoholic adult than a child raised with both parents being non-alcoholics and non-drug addicts.

• It takes 200 muscles to take a step.

Take a step.. 

Anita