Monday, April 29, 2024

The Heart of Failure

 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." 
Psalms 73:26

I FAIL a lot. 
Social media shares my victories, my smiles, my blessings but that is not the everywhere or the all the time. 
Life has presented a lot of ugly. Life has handed out some darkness in abundance. As we navigate through life, sometimes treading water, sometimes barely afloat, we all encounter seasons of rough waters. 
Failure through the lens of others can look like victory. I have learned to be gentle on how I present things, being aware of how things appear to others. 
A FAILED attempt to jump and look cool at Holdridge. 



You see me out running but did you know I was actually running into the Lords lap? 
My heart broken, my burdens heavy, my mind confused, disappointed in myself, in others and at life. 
Those miles were and are in prayer for my failures, my imperfections, my judgments, my iniquities that only the Lord can REDEEM. 
I pray in weakness.
I pray in failures. 
I pray in insecurity. 
I pray in a mess of a human that only the Lord can heal. 
I pray that I will never go back to the dark places I fought so hard to get out of. 

RUNDOWN:
Week April 22-28
Miles: 74.11
Elevation: 3,740ft


1 week out from Thumbcoast 50. (Turned out to be a PR for me!) Praising God for still giving me a PR at 50!
NO place to RECOVER. 
Thumbcoast was a TRAINING RUN for Kettle Moraine 100 in June.  This meant I had to get my miles in for the week with a lot of whining.
Tired, sore, fatigued and sluggish, no excuses, and no perfection. 
This week I have ran in 4 different parks;
  1. Holdridge
  2. Holly rec
  3. Island Lake 
  4. Ortonville rec
It is time to dial it in for my 100. 
Pinnacle Point X's 2. 
20 mile run, a whole lot of walking, overheating and HILLS. 

  • Get back into the trails.
  • Back-to-Back long runs.
  • Time on my feet runs.
  • Increase mileage.  
  • Don't look at PACE, focus on time and distance. 
  • Seek His strength, not my own. 
  • PRAY, stay humble. 
The last week was a week of failed runs. 
Nothing felt good. The runs were hot, rainy, broken and I was on the struggle bus for all of them. The truth is I set out to do the best I could, and I TRIED. 
One run at a time, one mile at a time and Grace upon Grace. 
I had to remind myself this week, my HEART has a lot of FAILURES, but one thing is doesn't have it the FAILURE TO TRY. 
Relentless Forward Progress. 


We are all perfectly imperfect. Full of failure but give yourself some Grace and get back out there!

"Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but-I hope-into a better shape- "Charles Dickens

In Peace, Not Pieces,
Anita








Monday, April 22, 2024

Thumbcoast 50: The Spirit to Sustain

"Sustain me, my God, according to your purpose, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed." Psalm 119:116


I was watching the weather like a hawk the week before Thumbcoast Ultra in Caseville. Every day the good weather began to fade and race day was appearing to be a typical windy, cloudy Michigan day. 

We had rented a Airbnb that was right at the finish line and just a 2-minute walk to Lake Huron. 

Race MORNING: 


Christina, Joe and I would be escorted with Andy to the starting line in Harbor beach about 50 miles away. Even though we all had shuttle bus tickets we took advantage of have our own chauffer. 
It was a blistering 39' out, I made a last-minute wardrobe change from my favorite Rabbit running skirt to my 10-year-old track pants. I could hear the wind and it made me tremble. I was having PTSD from Blackbeards Revenge 4 weeks prior. 
"What were the odds?' I heard myself repeating. "WIND AGAIN?!" I felt like I had barely recovered, and I was about to run 50 miles in 20-mile headwinds all over again.  

I finished my coffee, grabbed a banana, my egg bites, all my gear and we all piled into the car.  It would be about a 45-minute drive to the starting like. 

GOAL: 
I get asked a lot "Anita, do you race with a plan..." Truth is, I DO. I always have a plan. 
THE PLAN: 
1. NOT TO DIE!
2. Keep Smiling!
3. No matter how bad you feel, ENCOURAGE others!
4. Maintain a 10-10:15min/mi. 

 "Remember, that of all the elements that compromise a human being, the most important, the most essential, the one that will sustain, transcend, overcome and vanquish obstacles is-Spirit." Buddy Ebsen


Starting LINE: The first 20-ish
I had asked Joe to help pace me. Andy would be chasing me on the course, and I knew this would encourage me. 
Andy, Joe, Christina and I took a quick sunrise photo together with enough time to pray and make it to the starting line. 


Andy had already warned me that we would basically be running into the wind the whole time. What made the winds worse was the flat farmland, we were vulnerable to the elements.   
I was breaking the race up into 5's and 10's. We were maintaining our pace, and I was so excited when I got to see Andy every 5 miles. 
We shared some miles with Steve H and Robert the race director for Bear Lake. We all kept smiling even though we were all getting pummeled with the wind. 
I had my Race Joy app running so I could hear my splits and hear my cheers that some of my friends were giving me. 
SPECIAL thanks to those who sent me encouragement, it meant so much to me especially as the weather conditions was tormenting my head space. 
Around mile 7 Andy was calling me and I accidentally hit the brightness on my phone and couldn't see anything. I knew it was still working, I was hearing my alerts but all I could see was a a black screen. Messing with my phone I heard a guy's voice, then a women's voice, "ANITA, ARE you LOST? RUN FASTER!!" I had somehow dialed Mark and Erica and they answered knowing I was racing and that I normally get lost! This very brief conversation had me laughing. Thankfully Andy happened to check on us and I was able to throw him my phone while we kept running. Andy discovered I had turned my brightness all the way down and tossed it back to me less than a mile later. 
The first 20 we maintained our pace, but I began to feel myself slipping forward, I hoped I was not making a bad choice. 



20ish to FINISH: SUSTAIN.
"Sustain me, my God, according to your purpose, and I will live; do not let my hopes be dashed." Psalm 119:116
The course is very flat, we ran on backroads, paved roads and sandy two-tracks. Going into mile 25 the winds felt like they had picked up. We had wind gusts reaching over 25mph. Runners looked miserable. 
To make my goal happen I found myself praying ALOT. I would have been on my knees in prayer but I was trying to maintain my pace! The wind was humbling. 
SUSTAIN, sustain...sustain. I kept praying that. 
As I passed other runners I would encourage them with those words. We were going into an intersection uphill when I saw a runner friend of mine, Sean. 
"You got this Sean" I yelled.  He is always smiling. 
"You know I have been praying for the Lord to SUSTAIN us, well, to be totally honest, I have been praying mostly for myself!" 
We laughed and as I moved forward I committed to praying harder for him and all the runners. 


My competition is not with ANYBODY but MYSELF. It is me trying to push myself, push my goals and be humble in the process. 
I saw Andy at mile 42. "Nita, are you doing OK? You look tired?'  I quickly replied not wanting to stop, "I am Andy, I am..." 
I would speed up when I saw Andy at the aid station because I knew I would take a few second to hug him, grab some nutrition and go. At mile 42, Andy took my hydration pack and gave me another water bottle with Ucan in it. This was the second bottle of sustained energy and was working really good. I had been able to avoid stopping at the aid station, this saved me a lot of time. 
I would see Andy briefly at mile 45, I was trying to NOT fall apart on the 2-track. This portion of the race with full of sand and moguls, making it hard to run. My pace was falling behind when Andy called me. It was just a couple minutes after I had seen him. I thought I had forgot something when I answered the phone. 
"Nita, there is a female about 15 seconds behind you, just maintain your pace..." 
I was so confused, I was hurting, tired, and I wasn't competing, or was I? 
I looked behind me and there she was. I didn't want to go faster, the two track as messing me up, I had already passed so many runners on this stretch all wrecked. I wanted to WALK, run a little maybe but surely not run faster. 
I came into a aid station full of guys. I passed through saying "HI GUYS" with a little smirk as they all looked at me. I knew they were coming after me. I decided I better pick it up now. 
One of the guys caught me at mile 47 and I felt the others in my shadows. I anxiously looked behind me, and saw the gal. 
GO TIME. 
SUSTAIN me LORD. 
All the way in, deep breath, heavy prayer, and sustained pain. It was more than sustaining my pace, it was persevering in pain and fatigue. 
I looked at my watch, at my pace and I counted down how long I had to maintain. 
Mile 49: 9:06min/mi.
Mile 50: 9:07min/mi. 
I looked for Andy as I came into the park. My heart was ready to explode when saw him, I was SOO happy to see him. 

Excellence endure and sustains. It goes beyond motivation into the realms of inspiration." Azim Preji



The Lord did sustain me. I met my goals by the Grace of God. My goals were personal, but the biproduct was I discovered that I was SECOND overall FEMALE. 
All Glory to God. 

A BIG SHOUT out to Andy, THIS GUY!! Andy chased me all over, exchanged my nutrition, made sure I was eating, drinking and helped me with great encouragement. THANK YOU for all the encouragement, cheers and calls. 


CONGRATS to all those who conquered the blistering winds and frigid temps. 


RUNDOWN: 
THUMBCOAST 50
SUSTAIN, wherever it is you are running in this thing called LIFE, when obstacles are thrown at you, when the conditions are less than desirable, Don't give up, Don't give in, Keep going, just tuck in and KEEP Moving. 

In Peace, NOT Pieces, 
Anita







Thursday, April 18, 2024

The Birdcage: Fly

 "A bird in a cage is safe, but God didn't create birds for that."
 Pualo Cohelo
HAPPY 50th to my Special Friend Danielle.


Everywhere I go there I am again. 
It is best not to out-run yourself, it never ends well. My morning runs often make me feel as though I have my life figured out, but the truth is, I DON'T! No where close!
It is a safe place for me. 
A place my fragmented mind comes back together. 
It is a place people can't take from me. A place I don't hear all the chatter, all the voices, noise that pollutes my heart and mind. 
A place of Release. 
Rest.
Recovery.
Redemption. 

My running is a spiritual place of refuge. I can run to the Lord unashamed of who I am. 
I have been shamed into believing my running is something I should be ashamed of. I once got fired from a job/ministry and the statement was made "Anita's doing her running..." 
My running has been used against me, misguided judgment of idolatry. 

BUT GOD. You become UNSTOPPABLE when you work on the things people CANNOT take away from you. Things like your FAITH. your MINDSET, your CHARACTER, your entire BEING! 


THUMBCOAST ULTRA 50: A BIRD
Last weekend, I chased Andy around Carmel Indianna cheering him on for 26.2 miles. This weekend I will be towing the line for my final race before Kettle Moraine 100. 
I am very strategic at trying to find races that will align with my "A" race. 
THUMBCOAST 50 fit good for my last "longish" run and run week. While I tapered, I will still need 75 miles for the week. 
My Goal, to STAY ALIVE! I am going to try to hold onto the same pace I did for Blackbeard's Revenge, 10:40min/mi. 
I will give it a go. 
I will go at it with this silly shin issue, all the pavement pounding and the anxious curiosity of what the day will bring! 
The Lord is responsible for the day. 
This Ragamuffin is not so arrogant to think I have so much control over how the race will unfold. The Lord is responsible for my gift to RUN, the blessing the successes, the victories, He get's the Glory in it all. 
I only get to run because the Lord has allowed me to. 
I could play it safe or I can go out in faith. 
"A bird in a cage is safe, but God didn't create birds for that."
 Pualo Cohelo

RUNDOWN: 
April 8-14th
Distance: 56 miles
Total time: 10Hours
Elevation: 2,500
This week:
Distance: 22 miles
Time: 3H 35 min
Elevation: 565
Tapering is so delightful. 
I met Danielle this morning at Indian Springs. Tapering messes with your head so bad. Trying to be disciplined and NOT RUN too much, too fast, too hard is discipline! Finding SECURITY in your training, your goals, yourSELF is everything.
You do things with Faith you will be ready to FLY!

Congrats to all those who ran Carmel Marathon!
  • Jazz CRUSHED IT with a 2:57 marathon!
  • Donny had a PR 3:37 marathon!
  • Sarah was a savage running covered in prayers for a PR of 3:20. 
  • Joel, only running a few years killed the marathon with a 3:14
  • Andy Finished strong with a 4:11
  • Sara F who also was injured finished with strong determination with a 5:39 marathon. 

I was so inspired with them all. But especially with Andy and Sara. They both had alterative plans of finished due to injured. But they showed up, prayed up, with determination fixing their eyes on the finish line and NEVER gave UP!!!
I made a new friend,
 together we drove all over the city tracking the guys down. 


If you can remember me in prayer this Saturday. Asking for prayer to run humbly, glorifying the Lord,
to be used by the Lord in the gift He has given me. 
If you would like to send me cheers while I am running, I love THIS, you can download the RACEJOY App. Look for THUMBCOAST Ultra Caseville then put my name in to track. I get all the messages and it is so fun! it will give you a real time tracking of me. 

In Peace, Not Pieces,
Anita

Tuesday, April 9, 2024

Cut the Cord

 "Don't believe everything you think." Unknown 


Andy and I were on a road trip this past weekend to the Ark. We were not going anywhere fast driving down to Kentucky. It would be our farthest trip pulling our camper and giving us almost 6 hours of driving time together. 
That time was occupied with random conversations, podcasts and sharing our music favorites. 
Andy was not a big fan of my playlist but not opposed either. Andys music playlist gave me instant anxiety and sweaty palms more so than driving a 30ft camper through construction and hills. 
One song of his caught my attention, not because I liked the song, rather because I liked the title. 
Cut the Chord. 
My mind began firing off all sorts of thoughts. 


ATTACHMENT: Cut the Cord
I trailed off thinking of the different things I have been attached to that I needed to cut the cord on. 
Areas of my life that I have had to learn to LET GO of. 
Areas I have clung on to, too tight, too long. 
People I have clung on to, too tight, too long. 
Ideas I have clung on to, too tight, too long.

Cut the Cord of YOUR PAST. 
Most of us hold onto our yesterdays and struggle to enjoys our todays. 

We hold onto Failures, Mishaps, Misfortunes, Bitterness, Dreams, Expectations, Hurts/Wounds
We Hold onto People.
We hold onto Ideas. 
We hold onto Habits. 
You fill in the blank. 

When we are attached to the cord, we will find ourselves STUCK. You were meant to move FREE. 
Freedom is cutting the cords that hold us back!


RUNDOWN: Cutting MY CORDS
As I am aging and still running, I am learning to embrace running at 50 in the capacity the Lord has me. 
When I compare myself to others or to my younger self, I am no longer FREE. 
The Cord of Comparison will rob you, you will never feel equipped, or confident or even secure. 
The Cord of "Stinking Thinking": Most of us have a tendency to OVERTHINK. I have another race in 2 weeks. It will be my 50miler, Thumb Coast. If I am not careful, I will overthink my training. I will compare it to training when I was younger. And if I am really struggling, I will compare myself to other athletes. I have to CUT the CORD or that chord will become a noose. 
I have learned when I cut the cord sometimes, I am a little vulnerable, a little unsteady but I will learn how to sail solo.
God's word is my teacher. He guides me, teaches me, comforts me, and steadies me. 

Week of Apri1-April 7th 
Distance: 56.55
Elevation: 2.400
LEGACY Trail: Andy and I found this great paved trail in Kentucky, and we discovered a little park for a waterfall trail, Cove Spring Park. We came in a day earlier and had fun adventuring!

Struggles
: Vacation is always a bit of a struggle for me when it comes to training. To compensate for that, I racked up my miles in the beginning of the week to allow me to not be anxious about running over the weekend. There was no pressure to run Saturday or Sunday. I had to Cut the Cord of routine and BOOM!! Its All GOOD! 





Training as an athlete at this season of life has me cutting the cord to a lot. 
Living on this side of eternity has showed me cords I have held onto to and even picked back up. 
We were meant to be FREE from holding onto things that were NEVER meant to be gripped so tight. 
LET GO. 

In Peace, Not Pieces,
Anita