Preparing for Grand Canyon pt 1

 "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jer. 33:3

It has always been a dream of mine to see the Grand Canyon, one of the 7 wonders of the world. Truth is, I have never traveled to Arizona. Having a family we always went on vacations but never did a lot of flying due to the expense. 

The kids are older and cooler and don't want to hang out with mom and dad, so now mom and dad are having fun hanging out with each other. 

Andys high school buddies did a guy's trip last year and I sat home green with envy. 

But this June, we are going! I am going to try to share the details leading up to us going as well as our trip. All kinds of silly details starting with....

I quit eating out at lunch to save extra money. It's the little things. And the little things add up! 

Costs so far for Grand Canyon:

• 2 nonstop flights to Phoenix Arizona: $1200 (Thats why I have been packing a lunch!)
• Grand Canyon Permits: $58
• Womans Osprey backpack 70L: $272 ( Used our coupon, saved $65!)
• Andy insulated air mattress: $79 (on sale, 1/2 off) 
• Anita insulated air mattress: $80 (used coupon saved $30)
• REI Co-op half dome 2+ tent with footprint: $165 (Half off for REI members!)

Yeah, it is adding UP! We have a few more significant purchases, Andy a pack, bedding and rental car. 

We will try to borrow what we can to save money. 

MY PACK: It is probably a bit too big by this I mean capacity, but they really didn't have a large selection and my coupon was going to expire. 

They fit you at REI, and are very helpful. I originally did not want this pack due to the height of it looming over my head. Turns out that when this worker sized me he put me in a XS and it was so much better. 

Andy put about 20 LBs in it and I walked around and the pack felt even better. 

THE WEATHER:

So I have already gotten a summer weather alert. The weather in June is between 70-110'. But I am not going to worry about that now. One of the employees suggested I just bring a sheet, especially because menopause has turned me into a hot box. 

TRAINING:

I love this part! As soon as we get Andys pack we will start hiking. Just because I am a runner doesn't mean I am a hiker. This is all new terrain for me. I hope to start training in the next few weeks. 

In Closing, my concerns are not the distance we will be hiking, but the weight of the pack going out of the canyon. I have been warned that exiting out of the canyon is brutal.  Therefore, I shall just tuck that in the back of my little brain and entertain more pleasant thoughts like HOW Beautiful it is going to be! 

RUNDOWN: 

"It's amazing how the same pace in practice can feel so much harder than on race day. Stay confident. Trust the process." Sara Hall Pro Runer & Cofounder of the Hall Steps Foundation

Speaking of training. 

April marks my first 50K. This is a training run to get the legs turned over a little better. It is a trail race. 

This weekend I had a really discouraging weekend. I felt every day of my age.

49 never felt so sore, fatigued or exhausted as it did this weekend. 

I shared my grief of not being young anymore with Andy. He tried to encourage me telling me I just had a bad weekend. 

We had run trails together on Saturday in the cold, rainy, snowy weather that took a bite out of my confidence. Sunday, when I went for a solo 4 miler I couldn't get my legs to turn over and my heart rate was through the roof. Everything hurt, the voices in my head were hard to hear and rather than get a grip on them I entertained them into a pity party. 

I went to bed early in hopes I would sleep through the night and feel refreshed this morning. And it worked! 

MY take away. I have to be more intentional about RECOVERY. This means after a long run, CHILL OUT! I need to put my feet up, stretch, fuel and rest. 

Last weeks Miles: 56.3

Average weekly distance: 61 miles. 

Miles to date: over 700 

This is training. This averages out to ONLY 11 hours a week. Thats IT! There are 168 hours in a week. 

It just starts with lacing up those shoes. 

Believing in your abilities. 

Setting goals and daring to DREAM!! It starts with a dream. And it sure is exciting to watch the Lord move!! 

In Peace, not Pieces, 

Anita!

Identity Crisis: Deeply

"Setting goals requires gazing way out at the horizon of life. But once you set your course, most of the time your awareness should be on the trail under your feet." Lauren Fleshman

 I find myself sliding through the intersection of life a lot slower these days. I am at a season that I am able to throttle back and take life in stride. 

For so many years, I felt completely out of place. I would wrestle with my direction and my purpose. 

Running always helps settle my soul when I am wrestling with my identity. I can step away from this world and all the distractions involved. I can have a breakdown in my broken self and know that The Lord loves me in my imperfect hot mess. 

"Do not Love this world or the things in the world." 

Identity crisis is often the bi-product of looking at earth to long. 

• It is when I want to fit it.
• It is when I want to be part of something. 
• It is when I have been "Let Go". 
• It is when I have unmet expectations. 
• It is when I have allowed others to frame me. 
• It is when I have failed or missed the mark. 

 I run in the humility of my nothingness as a reminder I do not have be part of this world. 

We have to intentionally remove false identities this world and people have placed on us. 

I belong to HIM. I have these identity crisis relapses where I am trying to locate my identity all over again. 

Such an exhausting journey.

I rehearse the words from people I trusted. Words created to break me, to burden me, and to bury me. 

Good people, bad people and even Godly people. 

Most people will spend all their value and worth in the world and find themselves broken and spiritually bankrupt. 

Belonging: Connection

YOU are beautiful. YOU are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

YOU are uniquely made on Purpose with a Purpose. 

YOU are Equipped. 

YOU are Known. 

YOU are NOT what others say you are. 

YOU are NOT your failures. 

YOU are NOT yesterday's mishaps. 

I love that quiet space of vulnerability.

My breath, Deeply inhaling with every step. Fearfully asking God to "Search Me". I invite Him into the Deepest parts of my heart, foreign to most, including myself. 

I run Deeper and Deeper into His wings, this changes my sense of belonging. 

I am reminded I am Deeply cared for. 

I am Deeply known by Him.

I am Deeply Loved by Him 

I am Deeply accepted by Him 

RUNDOWN: Deeply. 

"How Good and pleasant it is when Gods people love together in unity." Psalm 133:1

This week I have ran trails, roads, by myself, with others and even ran a race. 

I have been circled around people I work with, I run with, I do life with, I go to church with, and I live with. Our human divisions should not mean anything when it comes to unity. I try to show up smiling, I try to go confidently in Christ, finding security in my identity in Him. 

Give grace deeply, smiles deeply, dig deeply to forgive, to love, to invite, accept and embrace others. 

My client came to visit me from Arizona for a haircut. "Anita, you're the only one I trust with my hair."
Tamara, is a beautiful soul, I love this gal. 

T 

Total weekly Miles: 

Mon: Trails 11miles

Tues: REST

Wed: REST

Thur: Backroads 18miles

Fri: Pot-O-Gold 4.8mile

Sat: Backroads 22.5

Sun: Trails 6.2

Total Miles: 62.5

Pot-O-Gold recap.

I had to work at 7:30am and was double booked for most of it. By the time I got out of work I was both tired from Thursdays long run and 7 hours of working on my feet. 

Andy and I headed to Flint to run one of our favorite local races put on by our favorite running shop, Complete Runner. 

I planned to run the 4 mile course with Andy, run not race. I wore a leprechaun onesie for fun. I began to get nervous when Andy suggested we run a "warm-up". You only run a warm up if you are going to race it. And unbeknownst to me, that is what Andy decided to do! 

The first mile we were having fun. I was cheering on all the runners and having fun. 

The second mile I was still rallying up the runners and even had a gal ask to run with me to help pace her.  Mile 3, the fun was dwindling. The wind about blew me over, Andy was pushing his pace. Coming into mile 4, I was huffing and puffing, my smiled turned into a sour frown and between going uphill and the wind catching my onesie I was falling apart! We finished the race and I mustered up a quick smile to counterfeit my misery! 

The race is well done and loaded with lots of hype. Complete Runner did a great job serving pizza, having prizes and doing drawings! That last mile of suffering served its purpose when I won 1st place female overall masters, getting older has its benefits! I won a pair of Brooks!! 

All glory to God! 

BIGGEST Smile, In Peace NOT peices!

Anita

Parts UnKnown: The Locker Room

 Sunday afternoon, I was in the locker room at the gym angry. I thought it was going to be sunny out, I really wanted the sun, I really needed the sun. The gloomy days have been poisoning my spirit and I had been looking forward to a blue sky all week. 

Pouting in the corner I stuffed my bag in a locker and overheard a conversation. I have no idea what they were talking about but the one lady comments "...parts unknown" 

"Hmm, I like that, a lot..." I thought as I quickly grabbed my phone and put it in my notes. 

It reminds me of Anthony Bourdain's Tv show I used to watch. Maybe that's what they were talking about, but that's not where it took me. 

Parts UnKnown.

Winter gone wild. 

I'm getting closed in. My shoes are snow soaked, my nose is constantly running like a toddler, my wardrobe is overused, and my skin is so pale I see more age spots than I care for. 

My head space is collecting head trash and I am living on a prayer!

My truck looks like a rolling turd from living on the back roads, my running clothes are collecting funky smells that no amount of fabric softener can remove, and I am buying myself flowers at Kroger's every week to get me closer to spring bloom's. 

Parts UnKnown. 

All these physical irritations. 

I ran around that track in shorts making the best of my bad attitude. First world problems ANITA! 

I stepped onto the track with a smile, with gratitude and an attitude adjustment until.... 

I felt my body sludge forward, tired, sore and sluggish. My shin still aching as I planted my foot down. If I ignore it, it will not be there. My hip flexors begin to pull, and another pain rears its head. 

A couple miles in I feel my right leg get heavy and begin to tingle. 

I hear Andys mom in my head with her favorite saying..." Its all good"!

Parts UnKnown.

Don't linger to long. 

The Lord arrests my heart. I am reminded that nothing is promised. I am not entitled to sunny skies and flowering petals. I am not promised a pain free body on this side of heaven. 

The difference between being in a rut and the grave is its dimensions. It is where you choose to linger. 

I don't know what I don't know. 

But what I do know is when I am in an emotional relapse ignoring the unknown is not so unknown. 

Parts UnKnown.

The Lord in the Locker room.

Back to the locker room. "Anita, Anita right? You had ......." I finished her awkward sentence as she stumbled for words. "Breast cancer..." I smiled with compassion. She shared my victory with love and excitement. 

Her name is Tracy. Truth is I met her during cancer and the unfortunate thing is I had so many parts unknown, her name escaped me, her story was as blank as a sheet of paper, and I felt like an idiot. The chemo took so many memories from me. I humbly asked her name right before her eyes welled up. 

"How are you, Tracy?" 

Her cheeks warmed up, her eyes watered, her hands began to shake, "I am having a really hard day...I lost my son 2 Christmases ago, I am having a really hard day..." 

You see I saw her on the track. I couldn't remember how I knew her. She saw me on the track and diverted her eyes. But I came back around to her and said "HI, Good job" as I passed her. and the next time I passed her I gave her a thumbs up. And when she went to the bike, we connected eyes and I smiled again at her. 

I had NO IDEA of her bad day. I had no idea of her parts unknown. 

"Can I hug you, Tracy?" I asked in the locker room. 

I wrapped my arms around her and told her how sorry I was. I stood in the back of the locker room listening to her "parts unknown", crying with her, loving her and knowing that what is "Unknown" to us is not "Unknown" to The Lord. The Holy Spirit directed me to her. 

As I showed up with a bad attitude the Lord orchestrated our hearts to connect. He softened my heart, and I was so unaware that a little smile and a word of encouragement would be something more to someone else. 

Parts Unknown.  

"Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ." Gal 6:2

In Peace, Not Pieces, 

Anita~

Rest. 

Andy and I, our running date Saturday! 

We were meant for Connection

 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Saturday was a total snow bomb. We were going to run trails and one by one we cancelled. As beautiful as it was outside, running outside was not an option. 

Andy and I shamelessly planned to go the GAC. But the rest of our group did not have access to the indoor track. The Lord has blessed me, I invited my friends to meet us out there with our passes. 

Goals

We all have goals. Some goals are altogether different than others but encouraging one another helps. We showed up helping one another. We have different strengths, different weaknesses, different goals, but we lifted one another up. 

Sunday was no different. After church Andy and I went out to help our friend, Sarah run her long run. It is her first marathon and she had 15 miles to run, the LONGEST distance she had ever run. 

There is a fear there, when we venture into unfamiliar territory our headspace gets clustered with fear and anxiety. For me being alone with that headspace is very challenging, having someone there for me gives me courage, strength and encouragement. 

ISOLATION

My friend Erin sent me a podcast to listen to last week. It was a Christian speaker discussing isolation. 

A gentle reminder of the problems with isolation and the power of connection. 

I have had seasons of isolation. The place depression lurks, creeps so close that its shadow romances you and embrace you more than people do, or so we try to believe. 

That place you question your purpose, your passion and your place in the world. 

CONNECTION

People can add value to our lives. Yes, they are challenging, but they also challenge us to be better. 

Life isn't met to be journeyed alone. 

Life can be too hard to be alone.

But Life can also be TOO wonderful to do alone. 

GRACE

It takes grace to show up for people and it takes grace to let others show up for you. 

People will let you down. Oh man do I know this. But the other side of that truth is I too have let others down. 

People will lift you up, love you, embrace you, people will teach you and guide you.  

"Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ." Gal. 6:2

Solo is SELF. We have all been wounded by others. But when we encourage one another, it encourages us. 

Relate don't compare. Listen with love. 

"Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, Not neglecting to meet together, as the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day draw near." Hebrews 10:24-25

Accountability partners. 

Discipleship. 

Iron sharpens Iron. 

"And we urge you brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all." 1 Thess. 5:14

Be authentic, and people will accept you as you are and have a safe place to be their authentic selves. Share your weakness with confidence, fearlessly because your greatest audience is eternal not earthly. 

RUNDOWN:

The balance. Running is not the vision you see. It is all that you don't see. What you see is just a biproduct of the unseen. 

You see a smile. You see a victory. You see miles. You see through YOUR lens. But what you don't see is my heart. You don't see those hours my legs are turning over, and my soul is naked to the Lord. 

It is my church, and not in a spiritual sense, in an intimacy with my Father. 

I embrace my solo runs with my heavenly Father. Because I need Him to be on the Throne of my Heart before everything else. 

"The Fight is won or lost away from witnesses-behind the lines, in the gym, and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights." Mahummad Ali

In Peace, Not Pieces, 

Anita~