The Crow of Life

 "The only bird that will peck at an Eagle is a crow. He sits on his back and bites his neck. The Eagle does not respond or fight with  the crow. It doesn't waste time or energy on the crow. It simply opens its wings and begins to rise higher into the sky. The higher the flight, the harder it is for the crow to breathe. Eventually, the crow falls due to the lack of oxygen."

I read this earlier this week and it resonated with me. I thought about it all week. 

A few years ago, this photo surfaced on social media sparking a lot of fascination. 

The caption was inspiring and brilliant, thought provoking really. 

The Crows of Life;

We all have crows in our lives. They don't necessarily represent people, to be honest I think it is less about people and more about the challenges that try to interrupt our flight. 

4 lessons from the Crow:

1. Don't fight with crows. (I say this all the time to people who find themselves in the verbal boxing ring, Get OUT of the ring. You don't have to go to every argument your invited to.) 
2. Ascend: "Depart from Evil and do good." Psalm 37:27
3. Many jump on board for the ride but will often sabotage your journey. "He that walks with the wise shall be wise; but a companion of fools shall be destroyed." Proverbs 13:20
4. Focus on the things above. Keep your faith, hold onto your dreams and never quit growing. 

I look back over my 47 years of existence and I have had many crows biting at me. Those crows represent the CHALLENGES OF LIFE. Challenges present themselves in many ways. 2019 that crow showed up as cancer. As a child that crow was living with addiction. 

The challenges are the opinions of others, the critics, the distractions, health issues, insecurities, you decide. 

The challenges are whatever is "pecking" you. Its those annoyances, the things that are holding you back or distracting you. The things that are hurting you not helping you. 

Working with addiction and the family members I am always reminding them to walk away. We have to be careful what battle we are choosing to fight. We can blindly loose ourselves fighting battles that shouldn't have been fought. 

Everyday we have crows trying to hitch a ride. Rise above. It is always your response to the crow that makes you stronger. 

Rundown:

I have brought my miles way down this week. TAPER WEEK!  T-18 days until my marathon. 

This is where that crow is pecking at me, the little annoyances and nervousness of peak week and taper week colliding. 

I have a tight hamstring that is needing recovery BAD. Listen to your body! Die Ego Die!

I will focus on stretching, rolling and looking for a cute marathon outfit for Florida! 

INSPIRATION:

It was not hard to fall in Love with this girl. Shelby is my oldest sons girlfriend. She is as beautiful on the inside as she is beautiful on the outside. You are never to old to learn and young people have a lot they can teach us old people. Shelby has taught me genuine grace. I had made a mistake multiple times with Shelby. A mistake she should have been very upset with me. But one day she gently got up from the couch and walked in my direction. I was sitting on the couch. She squatted down on the floor in front of me, she looked up at me with these sparkling blue eyes and softly whispers, "I love you." It was everything for me not to cry. Often when people hurt us, or offend us, or upset us we want nothing more than to LET THEM KNOW because they DESERVE our wrath. But she didn't do that at all. She gave me grace and compassion and taught me so much on love. 

Beginners Corner: Get Some Gear

Complete Runner is my store of choice for all my gear from shoes, socks, a running watch to nutrition. Having the proper gear puts you in the mindset of getting serious!  

Go to a running store, they will fit you in a good pair of shoes. Your feet take you everywhere treat them good and they will take you places you never knew you could go. 

My top five most important items:

1. Shoes
2. Garmin watch
3. Handheld Nathan water container
4. Running socks
5. Running journal  

Running in the SNOW: 

How are you doing with your walking/ running? I know its cold out, but keep at it. 

Running in the snow is as difficult as it is exhilarating. You have to let go of your expectations. 

Count your Minutes not your Miles. 

"The real purpose of running isn't to win a race; its to test the limits of the human heart." Bill Bowerman

Anita 

A Head Game

 "Every deed, whether good or evil, was conceived in the thought process of the mind." Lindsay Terry

My shake out with Danielle at Indian Springs. Glorious. 

I still get rattled. Nervous of long runs. I still get this gurgling feeling in my belly as the days count down on long runs. My head space is a mess. 

Trail runs don't do that to me. The difference for me:

Trail runs: your pace changes and your elevation changes. You can walk the hills, grab a drink, a bite to eat and enjoy the scenery. Nature is the best backdrop keeping my views constantly changing. And it is just so fun running, exploring and adventuring in the woods. 

Road runs: training for a road marathon is all together a different beast.  It's pavement pounding, pace setting, its looking at your pace, your time and your course. And training in the winter you are hyper focused on the weather. Running for 3 hours in 17 degrees with a head wind and snow is a total head game. 

My Marathon is 3 weeks away. A real MARATHON! With real people and real bibs! 

My Training: I usually run 2- 20 milers and 1-22 miler. I really had to condense my training to do this. In order to prevent injury and ramp my miles up I ran with walk breaks and kept my pace down. The 22 miler is just a confidence builder, I usually bring that training run way down. 

Sunday I wanted to throw up before I even started. Most people think Anita just goes out there and runs like no big deal. FAKE NEWS. It was 18 degrees out and I was a mess. I have had the same training partner for years and this time I didn't have her. I couldn't get out of my head. I took off solo down E. Holly road all the way the Genysis. Its 8 miles, then Andy and Chris were meeting me for the 14 through the back roads. My first 8 miles I ran watching my heart rate and not my pace. My 14 miles with the boys was a struggle. The snow blasted us the first half, leaving the backroads a mess. "Anita, you are awfully quiet..."Andy said.  I know its hard to imagine, me quiet but it was true. I didn't have the energy to hardly think let alone talk. Every 6 minutes Andy's watch beeped for a walk break and every time I struggled to get moving again. When my watch hit 22 miles I was even too tired to celebrate! 

• Jan.4th-15m @9:28min/mi
• Jan.11th-20m @9:33min/mi
• Jan.17th- 20m @9:22min/mi
• Jan. 24th 22m @ 9:38min/mi

I HAVE A PRIZE FOR YOU! 

I have been averaging 50-60 mile weeks for 3 weeks. My peak week is done, time to start the taper. 

I have done NO speedwork. I am concerned I will just loose limbs all over. I need to get stronger and more confident to go race around the track.  I do a brick work out every week, biking 20 miles and run 5 and try to build strength. Protein shakes for recovery and Kombuchas for immunity. 

MY GOAL: I usually have 3 goals, not this time. One GOAL, to finish sub 4 hour marathon. 

Based on a pace calculator I would have to run a half marathon in 1:59:33 to achieve this. 

Dec. 13th I ran a training run in 2:03:15. 

YIKES, that's about 3 minutes I have to shave.

I REALLY REALLY want this. I can feel myself getting stronger and even faster. 

NOW.....THROW OUT your PREDICTIONS. Closest to my finish time gets a PRIZE from FLORIDA! 

INSPIRATION CORNER:

What keeps me going when I want to QUIT. 

Sunday, I thought about "Michelle" that I work with. She was my INSPIRATION. She knew I was nervous and sent me some encouragement. Michelle is a strong women. Strong women still struggle. I have heard her struggles, Michelle has heard mine. When I was diagnosed with cancer She had the courage to be the first one to cut my hair for me. When we went to Tahoe I convinced Michelle to hike Heavenly, a hike Michelle had never done before. She never gave up  and conquered not just the hill but a part of her she didn't know she had. 

Strong women lift each others up. Live to Inspire. 

Beginners corner:

"Every deed, whether good or evil, was conceived in the thought process of the mind." Lindsay Terry

For those who want to start running every blog I will add a little tidbit. Don't be shy, if you have any questions, concerns, fears let me know, I will try to help. 

We are going into February. Now is a great time to get moving. Start slow. 

10.000 step challenge. Start there. I started one with the girls I work with and I am soo encouraged. I have failed a couple times but I just try again the next day. It starts with ROUTINE. Take the rest of January to start a habit. 7 times makes a HABIT. Start small, keep it simple. 

I only had 4000 steps after work last Friday. Exhausted, I grabbed my Comfy my girlfriend Lisa bought me and headed into the cold for a couple mile walk against the darkness. I got my 10,000 steps!

ANITA

Trying.. and Tiramisu

"Bid me run and I will strive with things impossible." William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

These gray days are duplicating one another bringing a accumulative shadow over many of us. 

We have to really be intentional with our thoughts. We have to separate from what we are NOT from what we are. If we don't get the reigns on our thoughts we are going to get lost in these deep gray days. 

Yes, the days are getting longer but its not coming fast enough. 

Blahhh...

Michigan in January, blahhhh.. 

Accountability. 

Last Thursday, Andy and I ran with CRU. I have been doing double runs on Thursdays. The group is made mostly of guys. I tease them all the time telling them that they scared all the girls off because they of their tights! Men in tights, NOOO!! 

I was the only girl to show up with Andy. They run fast, much faster than I can keep up with, its probably those tights! I ran with them before I had cancer. Then I ran with them during cancer but it took everything to not get lost in Flint as I struggled to keep up in my broken body. Then last January, I tore my meniscus. I was just building my strength up from cancer and it all went down the tubes. 

That was a year ago this week and to add injury to insult as I started to recover, PF plagued me and my summer, extending my recovery to the fall. 

But last Thursday, we took off from Complete Runner at a steady pace. I hung back trying to talk when spoken to and keep up. 

I felt the pace slowly picking up. It is a 5 mile route and at mile 3 I was determined to stay with the guys. I couldn't talk, my eyes were focused in front of me and I had lost Andy. I wanted to feel strong, I wanted to feel recovery, I wanted to know what I could do, I wanted to TRY. Antonio kept trying to talk to me, "SHUT UP, I Can't TALK!!" I barked at him as he bantered with me. The crisp air was so refreshing as I stayed on the toes of Ryan, Ryan and Antonio. 

With every heart beat, skin and bones, fighting against failure I fought harder. I DID IT. I stayed with the guys. I couldn't talk for a few minutes but I did it. I wanted to puke, but I DID IT!

No Excuses

These gray dreary days we have to TRY. Every day we just have to try a little bit. I was so inspire by a friend of mine, Terri Williams. She was out in the cold weather walking today. She was TRYING. She posted a picture and I was so excited for her. 

Its about baby steps. just a little here and a little there, it adds up.

But you know what else adds up....EXCUSES. 

I have had 2 years of opportunistic excuses. 

Don't get in the habit of making excuses. 

Today, my body was so tired. Everything hurt. But I laced up, I grabbed my new Kahtoola nano spikes and headed to Holly Rec for a couple snowy loops. I could hardly get one foot in front of the other. But I had planned to meet my running partner and keep doing the hard things. It was not easy, but no excuses I did it! 

It all made sense. 

This afternoon I sat down to add last weeks miles. 

Weekly Miles: 67

MON. 20m

TUES. OFF RECOVERY.

WEDNES. 5m

THURS. 16.04m

FRI. OFF RECOVERY

SAT. 6.04m

SUN. 20.04m

Well, that explains why I feel like I have been ran over by a mack truck. Tomorrow, NO RUN! 

"Instead of overtraining, cut back a bit on the running and do the things to stay healthy: stretching, hydrating, eating well, etc." Mark Coogan 1996 Olympic marathoner

I just keep coaching myself. I keep telling myself all things positive. I try to encourage others and find it encouraging me. Positive Self Talk. 

Here's your Take Away:

1. Accountability
2. Encourage others
3. No Excuses
4. Positive self talk
5. Spandex, if all else fails, wear more tights! 

   

   Doug and Antonio, very aerodynamic in their tights! Speed Racers.  

   
   

Anita!

YOU HAVE GOTTA TRY THIS RECIPE! Alecs girlfriend and I made this Tiramisu and it was  amazing. She did most of work, I just assisted. It tasted just like Olive Garden, which is my favorite. 

 Joanna Gaines's Tiramisu Recipe and Photos | POPSUGAR Food

Where the fight is..

 "Call me cynical, but original

Tryin' to fit into a world that's so digital

Came to let you know

I left the pigeon hole

Now I gotta find an edge, won't let it go

All I need

It don't let me down, it don't let me down

All I need

And it don't let me down, it don't let me down

Tell me where the fight is..." 

Jake Bugg

A1A Marathon T-30 days. 

Monday, I set out to add a mile or two to my long run putting me at 16 or 17miles. 

My body has stayed strong. My body has stayed injury free. 

So many solo runs to keep my mind focused. 

Andy at the last minute asked if I would like him to join me. I was so stoked. 

The Plan:

Rose Oaks Backroads loop-7.25 miles, X's 2. 

Hydration: 10 oz H2O, 10oz Nuun electrolyte supplement

Nutrition: Gu Roctane Coffee

Target Pace: 9:30-9:45

Tell me where the FIGHT is..

The beauty in training is working for something more.  I love setting goals and working to achieve them. 

These days I feel like I am fighting harder than ever. I feel like more than ever I am fighting against the odds. 

I LOVE the fight. I love fighting all of hell for a taste of heaven. The feeling of being so dependent on God, being so depleted of myself, emptied of self, begging God for another breath, another step, another chance....I love being absolutely nothing only to have Him build me, strengthen me and create me. 

I embrace the physical pain, reminding myself of all the pain this life offers, this world will eat your heart out and we can not give up or give in. We have to fight.

We have to fight to be better. 

"Now I gotta find an edge, won't let it go"

It was rainy and sleety when we started. After the first loop, the sleet turned into snow and the temperatures dropped. 

I kept the pace down, we added 30 second walk breaks every 6 minutes. I have always trained with meticulous walk breaks. It has been proven to help prevent injury and endurance. 

But at 15 miles Andy left me. He left me to finish the last couple miles solo. He jokingly said, "You might as well do 20...."

I ran down that long wide dirt road with nothing but the music in my ears. I questioned everything. Overthinking is one of my favorite character defects. 

"Just do it, find your place....FIGHT.." 

I found myself turning off the dirt road and now running along Milford rd. It was too late to turn back, I was committed, 20 miles.

Find your edge. 

The more I ran, the stronger I felt. My pace dropped, my fists clenched and I felt this goofy smirk shift across my face. 

"Tell me where the FIGHT is.." 

Where is your fight? We all have a fight in us. Use your fight for good. Use your fight to make a difference. 

We are so busy fighting with FEAR, fighting with insecurity, fighting with jealous and pain. 

We fight for all the wrong reasons. 

You want to know where my fight is? 

Its for ME. I am fighting to recover. I will NEVER be the old Anita. Cancer took her. And that is a fight I am not putting my energy towards. 

I am fighting for something new. Something beautiful. I am Fighting for Me. 

I can not fight for anyone else. I can not fight your battles. And I can't fight for you to understand me. 

You have to fight for YOU. Where is your Fight? Be careful what battles you are putting your energy into...Some fights are best never fought....

Kombucha, A MUST in my life. 70-80% of your immune system is located in your gut. They have done several studies on distance runners taking Kombucha and have found runners have less belly issues and less illness.  During my cancer I drank 3-4 of these a week, Synergy, another brand I enjoy has a great story:  

"In late 1994, GT’s mom, Laraine, was diagnosed with a highly aggressive form of breast cancer. When she healed, Laraine shared with doctors that she had been drinking a very pungent, homemade tea. That tea was GT’s Kombucha.

Inspired by his mom’s experience, it became GT’s mission to make his Kombucha accessible for everyone, everywhere. At only 15, he began bottling his brew in the kitchen of his parents’ Southern California home and became the first to put Kombucha on shelves in the U.S."

Anita

 2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight. I have completed the race. I have kept the faith." 

And then there is YOU...

                                              

There are a million things telling us, shouting at us, whispering to us we are not good enough, we aren't strong enough, we are not skilled enough, talented enough, smart enough, rich enough, let the list go on. 

Dialogue that wants to keep us alone, insecure, weak, scared and confused. 

But everyone else seem as though they are more..have more...understand more...

We look to the left.

We look to the right.

We look at illusions and misguided information and Pause.

We forget to press play and get stuck on stupid. 

"And then there was YOU..."

Press Play. 

You are enough. 

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. 

You are what you say you are. 

The strongest woman in my life, the greatest inspiration to me was my Grandma. She lived to be 99.9 years old. Well under 5" tall and under 100lbs soaking wet she was not one to reckon with. Oh that woman, tough as nails, stoic, God fearing and Irish. She was fearless. She outlived all her siblings, her husband and 3 of her 4 children. She knew in her loneliness she was never alone. She knew she was ENOUGH. She was confident and strong. 

And that is what she taught me. 

Her spirit was tested by even the very ones that loved her.  She never wavered. Oh yes, it hurt but she stayed firm. Because she was CONFIDENT in the LORD. 

Her Identity was in HIM. 

Her Strength was in HIM.

Her Security was from HIM. 

When the pains of life wanted to hide her, dim her light, when they wanted her to feel insignificant, She was reminded "Then there was YOU.." And she stood confidently. If only to teach me through her testimony. 

As I step into 2021, I refuse to give in to anything less than greatness. I am amazing.

Not because I made myself that way. But because HE says I am. Because I had a woman speak into me. Speak into my brokenness, speak into my insecurity, speak into my loneliness. When I didn't know God, she spoke into me Godliness, teaching me, building me, preparing me. That is why...

I am going all in. 

I am going to work hard for everything incredible. 

I am going to keep dreaming. 

I am going to keep believing.

I am going to keep setting goals. 

I am going to keep loving, and smiling, and being kind. 

At 47, I am not giving up. 

This week has been an epic week. 

A week back to work and still finding balance to work out. 

Christa at work wanted to do a step challenge with Michelle. I interrupted asking if I could join. I felt like a little kid, "Can I, Can I pleeease play with you guys?!" 

I pulled out some poster board out of the back room and we made a calendar. I reassured them "Its accountability NOT competition."

Friday came and even though I was busy and booked at work I was NOT able to get my 10,000 steps in. I FAILED the first week! Just because you FAIL does not mean your a FAILURE. 

This week I ran 48 miles, biked 20 miles and hiked another 6 miles. 

I just kept trying. I got up early, I had a double run one day and stayed positive and motivated. 

I changed my mantra speaking inspiration into myself. 

I removed all negativity. 

I really stayed home all week trying to stay away from distractions.  

My amazing Sis in LOVE, Deb made me this shirt! I wore this tank and found myself so inspired. I biked 20 miles then jumped on the track for a progressive 4 mile run. As I finished my run, tears streamed down my face. I tried to hide my joyful tears as I was overcome with gratitude.  So grateful God is restoring me. 

"And then there was YOU..."

You are NOT what others say you are. 

You Define Yourself. 

You live your life, everyday with yourself. 

SPEAK LIFE into yourself. Speak kindness into yourself. 

Cut your losses. Remove the negativity. 

Don't hold yourself hostage to feelings that don't bring you life. 

Kayla, Melissa and I playing in the woods. 

Isaiah 43:18-19

"Do not remember past events, pay no attention to things of old. Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." 

 2021. And then there was YOU. 

Its time to move FORWARD.  It's time to do things NEW again. Keep Dreaming. Keep Believing. 

Anita~

2020: A Year in Review

 So many struggled 2020. I was one of them, but no matter how rough it got, how bad I struggled physically, emotionally and even spiritually I just COULDN'T complain about 2020. 

Oh I am no saint, I was no delight to be around. All the masks, the opinions, the political chaos, the school closing, my sons senior year, me being out of work for 3 months and being ultimately everyone shut in, I just couldn't bring myself to get mad at the cards 2020 offered. 

Truth be told I had so much gratitude. I was CANCER FREE. Sadly, being cancer free did not dismiss me from a broken body, an injured heart, the death of my maw maw and uncle and life on life's terms. 

I had a lot to complain about but not about 2020. 

I have had far worse years. 

The year my father died when I was 11, my mother went into her addiction with a nose dive. All things UGLY. 

The year my mother died. Confusion, guilt, panic attacks and self destruct mode. 

So many many worse years. Years of total death. God always protected me from doing something permanent. I never understood. "WHY? WHY God, just take me..." 

But he never did. And today, I look back on another year, so grateful.  

2020, The year of ReCoverY.  2019 I fought for my life, for breath and a heartbeat. 

2020 I fought to pull all my pieces back together, physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually.

Clinically: 

1. 20 rounds of radiation.
2. 15 weeks of physical therapy, torn meniscus and PF. 
3. 5 surgeries. 1 knee, 3 booby, 1 port removal
4. 20 Dr. appts. 

Running: 

1. 1600 running/walking miles
2. 500 biking miles

Races:

1. Snow Moon Trail-6.2M February
2. Winter Loops-10 miler. February
3. Earth Day Virtual-4.22 April
4. Yeti Challenge 50KVirtual-Month of April
5. Head Goat 50K Virtual-Month of May
6. Crim 10m Virtual-August
7. Bear Lake 53 Miles-October

Be Still and Know

2020 was the year for being still. As I patiently waited for my body to heal from cancer, chemo, radiation and life I had many days of sitting in silence. 

Be still and know:

1. I (God) am in control. Isaiah 55_8-9
2. I (God) gives and takes. Job 1:21
3. I (God) Restores and strengthens. Psalms 23:3
4. I (God) am your identity, your security should be in me. Col. 3:1-3
5. I (God) hear your broken heart. Psalm 147:3
6. I (God) will never leave you nor forsake you. Deut:31:8
7. I (God) will protect you and keep you. Psalm 121:7-8

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

There is beauty in everything God has created. He designs all things and upholds their purpose. I may not always understand why God allows for things to happen. Things that that cause pain, fear, and worry. However, I can trust that He has a beautiful purpose for it. I can see the beauty in a painful year. I can see so many blessings.

2020 Gratitude

1. Another year with my Sheba, my fur baby. 
2. A quarantined spring/summer with both my boys
3. To be able to pay my bills
4. To get my job back
5. For all those who blessed me, encouraged me and loved me. 
6. For a healthy family, none of us have gotten Covid by the grace of God. 
7. For Hair!! I have not had a haircut since May 2019! 

2020 offered a million reasons to throw in the towel. And many did. But many more did not. Here is to all those who didnt throw in the towel rather wiped off the sweat or tears with that towel and never quit. Just like when I got sick with Cancer I told Andy and all my family, "Do NOT let me make having Cancer an excuse for ANYTHING. No matter how sick, how tired, how scared, how much pain, DO not let me make it my excuse." 

NO EXCUSES. 

Never quit being Awesome. 

Never quit being Kind. 

Never quit Trying. 

Never quit Believing. 

Never quit Dreaming.

Never quit seeing the good in people. 

Never quit..........

Goodbye 2020, Thank you for our time together. We shared alot, we grieved a lot and we learned a lot.

Hello 2021, I anxiously await your blessings. 2020 prepared me, strengthened me, taught me and excited me for you!

Anita