It is hard to get motivated at 6am when you fall asleep at 3:30am.
I had 1 goal for today: To dedicate my miles in prayer to Aunt Lois. Andy's Aunt Lois was diagnosed a few weeks ago with Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma.
Cancer SUCKS.
It truly effects everyone. It hurts me to see others hurting so bad. The confusion, the fear, the unknown saturates like a bad stain on a white cotton shirt.
You can't hide it, you can't disguise it, you can't cover it up.
Today was Aunt Lois's first Chemo treatment. It was scheduled to go 8 hours.
I wanted so bad to run for her. I wanted to run and run and run. But I couldn't . I wanted to dedicate my passion to her. I wanted to give her everything I had.
But I couldn't.
What I could do was ask as many runners as I knew to dedicate THIER run for HER.
I posted on a couple running pages asking for support.
Running was not an option for me because of my injury, but BIKING was. Aunt Lois has 8 treatments. I wanted to dedicate 8 miles to her.
The morning was chilly. I wore lime green in honor of lymphoma.
I came up a wet soggy hill about 4 miles into my bike ride. As I looked up, I instantly felt discouraged. I didn't want to hurt. I wanted to ride fast and ride easy. I didn't want to ride hard in the hurt locker.
I thought of Aunt Lois. I pictured her sitting in a big room. I could almost see the fear on her face as she thought "How did this happen? There is no other way..How bad is this going to be?"
How she must have been overwhelmed with anxiety and terror.
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| Thumbs UP Aunt LO. |
I pedaled with everything I had. Dirt spit up under my tires as I dug my heals down.
At mile 5 the tears spewed. I cried for life. The night before Pastor Jim was speaking at our Freedom service. He was talking about doing a funeral on a young 24 year old.
"How many times do you try to teach someone before it is too late?"
"How do you convince someone about life and living when they take it for granted?"
Then with tears in his eyes he looked straight into mine. Tears were resting in my eyes as I thought of my Ariel.
"Then you have some that want to LIVE, that want to LEARN, that want to be different..And God takes them....."
It was almost too much to bear.
As I rode my bike I cried and cried. She called me and her Pa Pa all the time for advice. She was always trying to do the right thing. She truly wanted to live a life to honor GOD. I sit some nights reading her dozens and dozens of text messages.
LIFE is so fragile.
I cried for those I love that do not grasp the intensity of LIFE.
I tried to gain back control. Aunt Lois knew how fragile life was as she prepared to fight for hers.
I reached the park, approaching 7 miles.
The park was quiet. Heading to the back of the park I debated on the route to go. The route I wanted to go entailed me going down then back up a very large, winding hill.
I did NOT want to do it. I was getting tired and still had to ride about 3 miles home.
"Aunt Lois I am sure does not want to do this either." I heard the voices in my head barking at me.
Again, my thoughts were for strength and perseverance.
I GOT THIS, I motivated myself for HER.
I am not doing this for me. I am going to get up this hill and do it with passion for her. I don't want HER to give up. I don't want her to be discouraged by the obstacles she may encounter. I don't want her to be afraid to go all the way to the TOP.
And with that I finished 8 miles for Aunt Lois and 2 miles for myself. (In case you haven't noticed I am a bit OFF!)
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| Alec Giving Aunt Lo Smiles and THUMBS UP! |
I want to say the response from the posts today on Running Against The Odds Facebook page was unbelievable. Thank YOU ALL so much for being such a great encouragement to Aunt LO.
Thank you for the pictures, Stephanie and Kade, Donna and her running partner and Mike running BAREFOOT with his son for Aunt LO.
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| I sent the biggest bouquet I found today to Aunt LO! |
Living Life for oneself is independently lonely. Some of the loneliness people I know never sowed their life into others.
Not trying to be abrasive of mean, however; the truth is:
Life is fragile.
I have an innumerable amount of friends. I am so blessed with random cards, gifts, phone calls, text messages that I always feel loved.
I am bound with people who LOVE me and except me for my crazy self.
I am a little nuts, a little goofy, a lot forgetful, I have lots of character defects BUT I have so many that accept that from me.
I try to be teachable. I understand how to use the words "I am sorry"
I can lay my head down on my pillow after 40 years as honestly say "I have tried to love those who do not love me."
I finally after 40 years HAVE PEACE.
I love sharing myself with those who love and appreciate me.
I love to LOVE people.
There are so many that want to receive love and there are those who do not. I am at peace with Letting GO.
Invest your life into others and you will always see your return.
A few ramblings of my the thoughts I had during my bike ride.
Please Continue to LIFT Lois up. She will be having treatment once a month. I will be asking you for continued support and encouragement.
GAL 6:2 "Bear ye one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of CHRIST."
Anita
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