Relate Don't Compare

Galatians 6:4 - But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.

We line up at the starting line checking everyone out.
"Hmm, they look about my age..."
"Nice, that guy must be fast, he is running without a shirt on and its only 9 degrees out, Whatever!"
"Oh No, ____________ is running this race, there goes my medal, I will never be that fast"

Or when we go to the gym....
"WOW, I will never look like that, they came out of the womb with barbells!"
"I wish I could run like her, Yeah Well, she has probably never had the issues I have."
" I will never be as fast as them...."

BLAH BLAH BLAH...

We do it in our training and we do it in our life.

In Life we say things like:
"Yeah well, that's fine but I did this..."
"I wish I could do that, however, I can't because...."

Most of the time people do not even listen to you because they are bringing themselves into your story. Before you ever speak they start comparing themselves to what you are going to say.

We have all been guilty of it at one point or another.

This week it was directed at me.

Run Your Own Race.

• Keep your eyes focused on YOUR training, in life and in running. You will either never match up to those you are Comparing yourself with OR you will become judgmental setting a bar and wondering why everyone isn't like you or living life the way you do.  
• Mind your own business. Don't you have enough to worry about in your own world? I know I do. I can barely manage my little world, If I try to manage yours, both of our worlds are going to be a hot mess.
• Edify don't Satisfy. Rather than saying something stupid that satisfies you or your insecurities, get in the habit of encouraging that other person. Maybe it is just in your own head, but quickly put the negative flame out before it becomes a raging fire.

RUNDOWN:
I saw Old Jeff at the gym today.  We did legs on the machines today. He made fun of me because I went running on the track and skipped the evils of spin class.
Time: 30 minutes.
Distance: APRX 3 miles, I didn't keep track on the Track. And it was great!

Anita

Gonzales: A little Piece of ME.

In Memory Of ESPERANZA RIVERA GONZALES

March 14, 1922- December 30, 2014

 

I knew her as Aunt Hope, she was 92 years old.

Lila and Aunt Hope (Esperanza)

     

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 Cor. 13:7

I am half Mexican, half Irish. Today, at the showing I was looking forward to seeing all my "familia". I was going to make the most of every second. I wanted to ask questions and connect dots on my fathers side.

My fathers name was Tommy, he was Uncle Tommy to most of them. It has been 30 years since my father passed away. I was 11.

As my family walked into Coats funeral home, I lead the way. I instantly saw Lila, my cousin. Within minutes I was surrounded by Hispanic cousins. I never wanted to leave.

"This is Tommy's daughter?"

"She looks like Mary Lou."

"She looks like Uncle Tommy." 

"Oh, I remember your mother, she was sexy." That was awkward!

But again, I loved it. I embrace my history, my family. I had not seen them since the last funeral, my Uncle Gills, several years prior.

Cousins, Bobby and I

 

 

The way they looked into my eyes, searching me, comparing me, discovering me. I wanted to touch them all, I wanted to see my father in them, I wanted to hear stories of them all. This is who I am.

 

Lila, put her arms around me as we walked up to see her sweet mother. "I have to pull you away or you will never get away." she spoke softly in my ear.

Cousins, Lilas Brothers

 

Her mother was beautiful. She looked so peaceful. Her high cheekbones and olive skin hardly showed the hard life that she lived.

The Mexican side is not much different then the Irish side of my family. They live hard lives.

Lila's voice is like an angel, It is soft. Her skin is lighter, like mine. She has her mothers cheekbones above a gentle smile. I clung to every word she shared of her mother.

Then she tells me a story I had never heard.

Cameras kept snapping.

 

Your father was in the hospital dying. The first day he arrived in the hospital he was in the bed dying. I had just received the Lord. (She grew up Catholic). I went to the side of his bed Anita and laid hands on him. I prayed with him and asked him to receive the Lord. When I finished, I asked him if he said the prayer and understood would he squeeze my hand. And he did.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as they do now.

My father died of liver failure, at 47 years old.

But one day I will SEE him Again. This little girl yearns at 41 to see her earthly father, I will SEE HIM Again. I am so excited.

 

Lila spoke of my mother. She asked how she died. In shame, I tried to pick the right words. Lila's big brown eyes gently caught mine, "Anita, she over dosed right? It wasn't purposefully. It's Ok, Its is the life they live, you are a testimony, you chose to take a different path."

 

She didn't make excuses, she didn't make it uncomfortable, she was honest, loving, making the truth so easy.

 

It is the life they live.

I am not defined by my circumstances, my past or my mistakes. I am not made from my history, but my history is part of my make-up. It is how I choose to use my history that creates my story.  They are part of my story, but that is not where my story ended.

 

My Cousin Cecelia always says "Anita, We are Family, we are all we got." Today I heard this about a dozen times, "We are Family."  I loved hearing those words, so welcoming.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RUNDOWN:

GAC

Distance: 1 mile warm up on track, 3 miles TM = 4 miles total.

Ice 15 minutes

ANITA Maria Gonzales





2014 summoned up in a few words.

I would describe 2014 in a few words. Fail, Challenged, Injured, Recovery, Grateful...

Fail: My vision and goals for 2014 were a failure. I went into 2014 with strength and power. I kept the goals until after running Boston Marathon. Everything went to "H" in a hand basket. I ran over 200 miles in April, I paid the price for the rest of the year. I have failed with some interpersonal goals too. Thank God for second chances.

Challenged: Injuries are Challenging. Trying to do the right thing is Challenging. Trying to figure out what the right thing is, is challenging! Raising a teenager is Challenging. Keeping my marriage strong while raising kids and doing the right thing is also Challenging! Sneezing without peeing my pants is challenging!

Injured: Like that doesn't say enough. Pain SUCKS. Being injured for more than half the year really messes with you. Being injured is like having a harness around you after chugging a couple 5 Hour Energies and a bag of sour patch kids.  You want to go but you can't. Pain hurts. It has voices that talk to you in the wee hours of the night, LOUD voices...At least I think that was pain talking to me.

Recovery. Feeling your body and mind getting stronger is so encouraging. Being present in the here and now and not the would haves and could've. I had to learn that baby steps forward was still progress. Recovery never happens at the speed we want it to, this is like the definition of my pace right now too! Its moving forward at a turtle crawl...

Grateful: I can pout and whine over my brokenness or I can CHOOSE to realign my thoughts on being positive and grateful. I had plenty to whine about. We all do. Believe it or not I do not share everything in my blog! Even in defeat you can find victory, you just have to look in a different direction.

In Running News:
I finished 2104 out with a last minute race. I The New Years Resolution race. The last year I ran this Ariel came out to support Andy, Sarah and I. Along with the rest of out families. Ariel was all dressed for a the cold, wearing a white headband I had bought her. I remembered thinking "Why can't I look that cute in one of those!"
I think I cried all day. But it was better to cry in warmth then cry running and have frozen icicles on my face while running.
I hadn't mentioned to anyone that I was racing. Austin always comes through. I was getting ready when He came home from basketball. I told him I had to get going, the race was at 2. As I was leaving I casually said to Austin, "Hey, If you wanna go with me that would be great."
Without hesitation he replied "Yeah mom, let me go get dressed real quick."
I felt like he had just gave me the biggest bear hug without actually touching me. Austin is so thoughtful. He knew I really needed him. He knew what a sentimental run this was to me.

I picked up Jama and we headed to Flint, we were both running.
After registering and we ran into Ken H.
I was also quite surprises to find ANDY got out of work in time to be there for me too.
Team Harless. Tears welled in my eyes. I was just so thankful for my family. They always come through when I need them most.

New Years Resolution 8K. Ken, Jama and I took off. It was colder than freezing. I ran a few steps behind Ken hoping he would block the wind. I started whining before we hit mile one and I NEVER quit. By mile 4 I thought I was DYING. I couldn't breath. Even though the wind was whipping air at me it was taking my breath away not giving me air.
We let Ken Pace us.
"Jama, If I die, Know that I died doing what I love."
"No, I won't let you, I will drag you to the finish."
"Jama, If I die, I did finish."

The last mile, I saw runners racing towards us. totally freaked out I whined a little more, "KEN, WHERE are they coming from??" I seriously thought we were almost done. I was to scared to look at my watch in case I was disappointed. Seeing them come toward us on the course made me calculate I had way more to run.
Ken replied right before he began to split from us, "They are done."
"Oh, GOD, I want to be done." It was at that moment I remembered why I run. The physical pain trumps the emotional pain. I distinctly remembered seeing Ariel at the finish. This made my heart hurt. But my lungs hurt so much worse I was able to not emotionally fall apart.
I told Jama she could leave me, She never did. The cold beat the snot out of us, literally.
The Finish line was right there, I saw Andy and Austin cheering me on. With everything I had, which was a whole lot of nothing, I turned those legs over to finish the torture.

Jama and I heaved in misery back into the YMCA. We were both shocked to find out we both got 2nd Place in out Age Group! My slowest 8K EVER and I placed!
We laughed at our victories. I ran that one in honor of Ariel. I chased my Angel.
New Years Resolution 8K. 2014
Time: 39:02
Pace: 7:50

Anita

PRIDE

Stubborn.
Strong Willed
Headstrong

Yeah, I would say I contain a portion of these. I have many ingredients for disaster in my make up. I am my own worst enemy. I think it is fair to say that when managed that these character traits are also great traits for perseverance. WHEN MANAGED!

I am a pistol, no question about it. I have a handful of haters. Most of us do. You would be surprised by those that are in the Hater Club. I have days that I care, too much. But for the most part God realigns my focus back to him. He usually always brings someone around me to remind me I am LOVED, I am not the Antichrist. That I am not then Enemy.

"It's PRIDE F**#%(@  with you." Andy, back in his heathen season would say this to me. I can still hear those words as foul as they were. Those characteristic traits were a product of PRIDE when unmanaged.

"Woe unto them that are wise in their own eyes, and prudent in their own sight." Isaiah 5:21

After a while you have to just let go. Pride like to HANG ON.
Let them talk about you. Let them Defriend you, block you or send you a letter..
Bury your PRIDE and EXAMINE YOURSELF. QUIT examining everyone else and playing the victim. I have to do MY self Inventory.
POOR Anita? UGH
I think NOT.
I don't need to gather a team together to support the injustice directed at me. If I have a problem I go to that brother or sister, most of the time. Sometimes, I have found that it just isn't a battle that is ever going to be won. In this case, I just let it go.

God has really beat me down. He gives me a sip or water, a minute to catch my breath and he comes back at me. But it is because I am Stubborn, Strong Willed and Headstrong. He is trying to beat that PRIDE out of me.

My Running is NO DIFFERENT.
Every Run I am so thankful. It feels like the first time I ran.
I missed the vibrant blue sky and perfect day to run. Then I reminded myself..I CAN RUN, it wasn't about the weather conditions, it was about the health of my legs. That made it Perfect.

I had 30 minutes. I changed knowing the sun was setting. The sky was still clear, the air was cold and crisp. It would be dark on my way back home. I grabbed my reflective vest and a light. Quickly running through the house gather my layers I found myself getting so pumped.  I suddenly didn't care that I was squeezing my run in, I was excited for the gift to run at that moment. And oddly enough,  the conditions seemed even more perfect.

RUNNING in the Dark. I started out with my headphones in to get me juiced. But the darker it got, the more crooked the road bent, the more creeped out I got. I needed to hear everything. I needed to hear if a dog was going to make kibbles and bits out of me. Or if a funky windowless van came up from behind me. I wanted to hear if a coyote decided to get frisky with me. Then I needed to hear myself think as I devised a plan for every scenario!

5 tips for running in the DARK.

1. Turn off the Headphones.
2. Wear Reflective wear.
3. Take your phone with you, I get lost in the daylight, the nighttime gets really confusing!
4. Run Against Traffic

RUNDOWN:
Distance: 3 miles of awesomeness

At the end of the Day, I am the same as I was in the beginning..A nothing. My righteousness is of filthy rags. I have failed you, I have failed myself and I will do it again. Not because I want to, just because I have far far from arrived. But this stubburn, strong willed nothing will try to be better with each breath.

Anita

Running Backwards

Isaiah 43:18-19
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.” (NIV)

 

January:139 Miles
No races

February: 163 Miles
No races

March: 213 Miles
No Races

April: 128 Miles
Boston Marathon 3:30:49
 
May: 107 Miles
HA5K 23:27
Run Thru The Shores 25:13

Anniversary run.

June:
No Races/Injured

July:
No Races/Injured

August:
The Crim 1:22:44
Quit Logging miles Injured

September:
No Races/Didn't log miles/injured

October:
Detroit Free Press Marathon 3:50:55
Didn't Log miles

November:
Clarkston BackRoads Half Marathon 1:56:12

December:

Favorite RACE: The Boston Marathon, DUH! I had to promise my family I would retire this race.
Prettiest Race: Detroit Free Press would have to be the most scenic. I didn't do any pretty runs.
Hardest Race: HA5K , I hate 5Ks, they never stop hurting.
Races I didn't run: DX2A, Merrel Down and Dirty

No PR"S for the year of 2014. I can hear Andy "Anita, you are over 40, your times are going to start dropping, your going to need to work twice as hard for the same results..."
Being injured for half the year, made 2014 less than epic. I spent a lot of my summer with a sore toosh from logging  miles on a BIKE! Looking back, I may not see any PR's but I do see a lot of miracles. I had 2 races that I should not have been able to run let alone race. I was in physical therapy for my IT Band and could not run more than 10 miles. By the GRACE of God and  excessive amounts of prayers I was able to run BOTH The Crim 10 miler and Detroit Free Press Marathon.
I am not a snobby runner, therefore, my time was not that important to me, I am a grateful runner. So grateful to watch God do a miracle in me.
"Nothing is impossible with GOD." I believe that with my whole heart. He sees my innermost being, my hearts desires..I am so humbled at the gifts he has given me.
* I have had so many injuries, I have beat my head against the wall wondering what my purpose with running is. But God keeps that flame burning, that passion that burns deep inside me. I get so excited to see what God is going to do next. Who I will meet, where He will take me and all the unknown adventures he gives me. Running is more than physical work, like anything that you are passionate for. You work hard. You pray harder, You never quit. No excuses.

Running Backwards: Collision  
We headed to the Gym, the boys and I, after church and breakfast. The lucky number 7 was in my head.
The boys went to the courts and I went to the track. I came up behind a guy and let him set my pace. As I closed in on my first mile, I was happy to see I was running a 8 minute pace.
I saw a guy running towards me on the track. In the wrong direction! The track is counter clockwise, except this older man was running clockwise. 1, 2, 3 and closing in on 4 miles he continued to pass me. We were close to the same pace as we passed one another at the same place over and over again. I wanted to high five him, or thumbs up him but he would look down and away as we passed. I wondered what he was thinking. He looked like he was running some demons out. He looked like his mind was trying to get rid of conversations and situations as he passed me over and over.
I made it my mission to look at him and try and get eye contact with him.
At the last two laps of my 4 mile run he LOOKED UP! I painted a big smile across my face and said "Great JOB." His eyes suddenly glowed. His countenance changed, he smiled back and whispered something back.

RUNDOWN: 4 miles track: 3 miles treadmill 7 total

RUNNING Backwards, 2014 was a year I ran backwards. I didn't run as many races. No epic PR's.  I barely made 1000 miles, but like this guy I saw on the track, even Backwards was still moving Forwards.

Anita

Many Miles on my bike to 7 Lakes

Christmas Past, Present and Future

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

My hands are cracked and dry from excessive cooking and cleaning this week. Age is getting harder and harder to conceal.
I always take a glance back at my Christmas's growing up and chuckle. I never felt like I was shafted. I grew up with some special Christmas's and some unspeakable Christmas's.
I learned how to cook a turkey very early because my mom usually ended up stressed out, locking herself in her bedroom.
We had many Christmas's that we were the "Help a Family" kids. I remember one Christmas we had boxes filled to the ceiling, I had never seen anything like that. I was about 13 or 14. Shaking to see the contents, my sister and I began tearing into the boxes. The Salvation Army must have donated to families in need too. We had boxes and boxes of used clothing. I wasn't upset, although, a little confused, my mother had money, she just didn't manage it outside of the bottle. One year, mom was sober and it was sweet. She bought my sister and I both leather coats that year. I loved that coat.

This was my leather coat, I loved that coat. Check out the pegged jeans! We did it first in the 90's!

 I loved seeing my mother smile as we opened it even more. As hard as many Christmases were, as hard as life was growing up with an alcoholic, as dysfunctional as life may have even been had she lived, SHE was my mother. And I know she loved me, she loved all of us. She lived a hard life, but she loved me. And I miss her every day and every Christmas.

Blurry, But this was my mom all dressed up for Christmas, a good Christmas.

Christmas this year was sweet. My family lets me do some crazy shenanigans. My boys are now 15 and 12. This year I wanted to make homemade Christmas ornaments. Austin, my oldest and I butt heads often. But he is very perceptive to my heart. Austin started to argue about our "Family Time Project" but seeing my excitement changed his mind. He then became my biggest asset for getting the rest of the family on board.

Christmas Eve was very sweet. I hosted it like a crazy person. We had over 20 people eating, sharing and playing games.
Families are full of personalities. I am a handful for many people, I know because I am a handful for myself. I was grateful we all laughed and loved one another.
Christmas day was smooth. Andy always writes me a Christmas letter. And he has a year of material that is worded to the perfect CRY RESPONSE.
I love fine jewelry, but I never ask for it. I am just not in a season of life that I feel like we should spend that kind of money.

This year Andy bought me a beautiful pendant. It was purple. For Ariel. I try to stay strong, not talk about her, I hardly blog about her, afraid I am upsetting or offending people. But I am such a mess, I lost it at work this week in front of a client. One look at the sparkling purple gemstone,  I could feel the lump in my throat, my stomach turned and my eyes flooded with tears. It was just beautiful, like her.
Mom and Dad came over for breakfast and the tear fest started again. There are only a few people in this world other than my immediate family that truly know how much Ariel meant to me. She was my everything, my girl, a huge part of my world. Mom, is one of those people. Mom bought me a beautiful birthday card (My birthday was on the 20th, we didn't get to see them). She shared a very special story about the gift that she purchased me inside the card. The gift was a Alex and Ani bracelet that said "Aunt". The bracelet, with moms words were enough to put me back into tears.
It was a sweet day.
Christmas future. This was the first time I have ever had an emotional moment over Christmas. We sat together around the tree. My boys are getting older, the tree lights were flickering, pine needles were an inch thick everywhere, the boys were taking turns reading the Christmas story and life was moving forward. I wanted to yell, "STOP", "PAUSE" and "Slow Down". Where did all the time go?? I always want them around me, making my morning coffee and snuggled up on the couch to read about the birth of Jesus. I didn't want this moment to end.

Maybe next year my family will fill my stocking with Kleenex and antidepressants! I am not sure why it was such a weepy day. It was a perfect day with all the tears, all the laughs and all the Shenanigans.

I hope your Christmas was wonderful. In all the chaos of Christmas, take time to Pause. Take a moment to reflect, give thanks and remove any ill feelings that will sabotage the beauty of the birth of Christ.

Ephesians 4:2-3 with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

Gifts are a token we give one another to show our love. The wise men gave gifts to show honor an praise to Jesus. Gifts are nice, but the real gift is your presence in love to one another. To remove all bitterness, wrath, resentments and love one another.

 ANITA~

Bring It Aretha!

"Meaningless! Meaningless! says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is Meaningless."

Ecc 1:2

 

 

With the  holidays going and coming we are faced with many issues.  Most of us have swept them under the rug, danced around or all together avoided them over the last several months. I continue to hear statements like:

"The Holidays so stressful."

"I just wish it would come and go."

"I just want to stay home, or go away."

 

How do we find JOY in the midst of so many battles? We have expectations, we have hang-ups with others, we have bitterness that we have not worked on and in it all we get so confused on what we should or should not be doing.

 

December is not my favorite month, but in the tears, I have also found great laughter and JOY.

Some day's it is a lot of work, other days it comes easy.

 

Most of us do not like confrontation with others, let alone ourselves.  

Today, mom and I were cleaning Maw Maws house. Moms made the statement "Anita, what am I going to be like when I get older? I am getting so honest...."

I laughed because mom has. I love it. We get in so many snickeredy little debates. But again, I love that she does not agree with me, I love that she shares her own thoughts and ideas. "Anita, I think I got that from you." She continued with laughter.
I love that she feels she can be honest with me and know that I love her even if we do not see eye to eye.

We have learned that we don't have to share the same thoughts, ideas, or concerns. We have learned that by stuffing down our hurts or hang-ups that does not solve anything.

 

Pick Your Battle

If you are angry or bitter, most likely you have stuffed yourself with years of garbage and are fat on resentments.

It is really difficult to communicate properly in this condition.

We have to first conquer ourselves, fighting the battle that is raging within us.

At this point, we will discover what other battles we should fight, how to be victorious and what battles no longer need to be fought, that are MEANINGLESS.

It is all in the Approach.

Let Love Lead

When I step off the platform of The Anita Show, I can see how miniscule I am. How Meaningless many of my battles are.

When I see HIS purpose for me is greater than my purposes, many of my battles dissolve. When I let my LOVE for HIM become greater than my battles, I can find JOY.

Meaningless, that's what many things become. Love for Him reminds me to love like Him.

When LOVE leads I am reminded that "I" am even Meaningless. It's Not The Anita Show.

WEARING DIFFERENT SHOES OUTOF THE HOUSE: MEANINGLESS!

 

THE RUNDOWN:

The last few days have gone like this:

 

Sunday- Played HOOKIE from Everything! Took the Boys to Frankenmuth

 

 

Monday-

THOSE ARE SOME WHITE LEGS!

Lacey called and we ran a new loop, a perfect 7 mile loop. I ran half naked in shorts that morning! It was 45 degrees out!

 

WHO..WHO HIT THIS POOR THING?
LACEY AND I FOUND HER ON OUR RUN.

 

Wednesday-TODAY! I hit the gym. 30 minutes of weights and stretching. The track was calling my name for an easy mile. But I saw a regular, an older guy running just a few feet in front of me. I quietly came in behind him. That mile turned into 3 fun miles. I found myself dancing on the track to Aretha Franklin.."Yeah Baby!" "I aint gonna do you wrong..." "Just a, Just a, Just a..."

I was running and pulling out the guns dancing on the track. I felt my shoulders shimmy and a big ole grin painted on my face as I was running in my own party.

I am sure I had a few giggling, but I was having so much fun I really didn't care!

"OHHH your kisses are sweeting than honey... RESPECT..."

 

 

 

JOY!!



 Anita