Recover, Remember, Rejoice.

RECOVER:
The beginning of my day I drifted through trying not to think to much. I got the tears out of the way early so I could try and recover in order to get through my very busy day.
Today was Ariel's Birthday.
During our morning devotion I could tell Austin was thinking. When I finished reading to him I asked if he would close in prayer. Without hesitation he bowed his head.
"Dear God, ......You had a plan for taking Ariel, ......I just ask that you bring us all together as a family for Ariel."
It was so tender hearted. He prayed for unity. For the family to come together. I thought this was full of wisdom and love.
There is another part of recovery I had to put in place this morning. My Knee. I met Danielle as scheduled for out regular 8 miles. Only we did almost 10! BIKING! The spring elements were teasing me to run. I even tried to run in the parking lot of Panera's before we took off. I made it about 30 feet. With my knee rehearsing the pain of yesterday I headed to the trunk to get my bike. I brought my bike and even Danielle surprised me bringing her bike also.

I finally went to the Dr.s today. I left with a half of a tree in paper for specialists that I need to see, images that I have to have done and prescriptions I have to fill. Please keep me in prayer. I have had some health issues I have not taken care of and they may haunt me now.

Maw Maw Smith ended up in the hospital today. I spent a couple hours with her this afternoon. They are going to keep her for observation over night.  More Prayers please.

It took over 10 hours for her to get a room out of the emergency and food!

 

REMEMBER

This was one of Ariel's last blog posts. Charlie meant the world to her. He loved her dearly.

REJOICE
I wore my favorite Ariel shirt, Ariel bracelet and bracelet Charlie (Ariel's boyfriend) bought for me in remembrance of Ariel. I asked Charlie if he would like to meet me at the cemetery to see Ariel. We ended up meeting at a local florist/gift shop.
I bought some flowers along with a couple gifts to give in remembrance of her.
It was a good visit with Charlie and Ariel. Charlie talked about some of his favorite memories. Memories with Ariel and Austin. We laughed. I told Charlie I have a hard time going to see her because it is so hard to recover. Charlie eloquently replied " It is a wound that trying to heal and you keep picking the scab." He described it for me so well. As we left I felt peace. I was comfortable in my emotions remembering she was in heaven. It is not about honoring Ariel in my presence, it is about honoring Ariel in my actions.
REJOICE: At the end of a tough day you have to REJOICE.
I REJOICE knowing Ariel is Dancing and smiling down on me.
I REJOICE knowing Maw Maw Smith is going to be OK.
I REJOICE being able to see Charlie today and Ariel's Sorority sister, Katie on Ariel's Birthday. Katie actually gave me the greatest gift, Ariel's comforter. I can not wait to wrap myself up in it.
I REJOICE over the box of Godiva dark chocolate truffles next to my bed.

I gave Charlie a plant of mine from her funeral. Today I bought him a rock that said Rejoice. This is the picture he sent me. It was perfect.

What do You have in your hard day to Rejoice over?

 

Anita

Smiling at My Angel in Heaven.

Whats UP Wednesday

My Wednesdays are pretty busy so I thought I would do a simple point system with the basics on Wednesday:

1. Ran 3 miles with Andy today. He had 6 to do. My knee was too angry at me to go farther so I rode my bike for the last 3.
2. My niece Becca came over today. We worked on a project for Maw Maw Smiths 90th Birthday next weekend. We had the best time together. She brought her kids with her. It was such a gift to see them all.
3. We are still in the rental house. We thought we would have a home by now. We looked at 3 houses, they were all a bust.
4. Tomorrow is Ariel's birthday. It is going to be an emotional day. There are some circumstances that have been circulating that are hurtful. Very hurtful. It is one thing to try to deal with the loss of Ariel. It is another thing to see people being intentionally hurtful. It does not make sense to me. I am co-dependent. Being a adult child of an alcoholic this trait is a given. I am to a default always worrying about if I hurt someone else or how I can recover. I am the person that will apologize to you so it doesn't make you uncomfortable to apologize for your own bad behavior. But the reality is people just don't care whether they hurt you or not. People are so self absorbed in their own hurt that they think they are isolated and could care less about you. This is a lesson that has a revolving door. I try to get over it and then it opens wide again.
5. I found gratitude in my family. Austin, Andy and I were all doing planks late tonight.  I tried not to laugh at our crazy family bonding's as we all were huffing and puffing. When the tears of the evening circumstances welled in my eyes Austin lovingly consoled me with laughter.
6. Mom called me at 9:30 at night to see if I was up. We had just finished our "Abs". She came over bringing oatmeal scotches. I knew that God was filling my heart. He gave me this incredible mother to love me, nurture me and care for me. I am so grateful to God for hearing my broken heart and showing his love to me through mom.  
7. I need to Suck it Up Buttercup. Tough as Nails. I gotta be tough as nails.

Anita

Watch IT! GPS Watch Matrix

Between X Country and our Runners club I have tried to advertise to the groups the benefits of having a nice running watch.

For me having a watch that tells my distance, pace and time ultimately becomes my training partner.
NUMBERS don't lie.

Here are a few other reasons having a GPS watch benefits you:

1. GPS watches track your, distance, pace, heart rate, calories and time. Many watches are also multi sport.
2. Most of the GPS watches also have a site that will upload all your runs. This helps you to have a log of your runs.
3. I like having different settings for different runs, Example: when I was training for my Ultra I set my watch on interval training. This feature beeped at me every "X" amount of time that I set it for.
4. Another feature that I really like is the Virtual Pacer. You can set your watch up to a selected pace. When you reach your target pace it tells you. It also tells you (By Beeping) if your are going ahead or behind your pace.
5. Many GPS watches show you the elevation of the route you ran.

With most of us getting into training mode I thought it would be good to do some GPS watch comparisons.

1. Timex/Model Easy Trainer:
   
   $99.95 /Distance/Pace/Speed: Charge USB: GPS Battery Life 8hrs: Workout Memory 30: Online NO: Compatible with NONE: PROS-Simplicity, Price, size.
2. Soleus 2.0:
   
   $149.95/Distance/Pace/Speed: Charge USB:GPS Battery Life 8hrs:Workout Memory 100: Online Data Upload /PC Only: Compatible with NONE: PROS-Current and Total Distance, Pace, Speed, Size
3. Garmin Forerunner 10:
   
   $129.95/Distance/Pace/Speed: Charge USB: GPS Battery Life 4hrs:Workout Memory 7: Online Maps, Performance Data Upload: Compatible with NONE: PROS-Simplicity, Price, Calories, Alarms when pace is too fast/slow, Auto Pause, Customizable Screen, Size.
4. Garmin Forerunner 220:
   
   
   
   
   
   $249.95 W/Heart rate Monitor $199.95 W/o: Distance/Pace/ Speed: Charge AC/USB: GPS Battery Life 8hrs: Workout Memory 1000 miles: Online Maps, Performance Data Upload: Compatible with Heart Rate/Foot Pod: PROS-Same as Above Plus Longer GPS life and Online Training
5. Garmin Forerunner 620:
   
   $399.95/Distance/Pace/Speed: Charge USB:GPS Battery Life 8hrs: Workout Memory 1000miles: Online Maps, Performance Data Upload Wireless: Compatible with Heart Rate/Foot Pod: PROS-Same as Above Plus Virtual Racer, Virtual Partner, Customizable Display, Custom Workouts, Pace Alert
6. Nike + Sportswatch:
   
   $149/$169 w/Foot Pod: Distance/Pace/Speed: Charge USB: GPS Battery Life 8hrs: Workout Memory 50: Online Maps, Performance, Data Upload: Compatible With Heart Rate, Foot Pod: PROS-Nike+Connect, Constant updates to software, Large Font Visibility
7. Timex Ironman Run Trainer:
   
   $189.95 W/O Heart Rate Monitor: Distance/Pace/Speed: Charge USB: GPS Battery Life 8hrs: Workout Memory 15: Online Maps, Performance, Data Upload: Compatible with Heart Rate, Foot Pod: PROS-Customizable Display

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The RUNDOWN:
Distance:8 miles
*I ran the first 4 miles with the Road Runners group. We did a easy run.
I had plans to go the gym and do the cold plunge until Jama put on this puppy dig face while asking me if I was up for another 4 miles. It was just pure torture. I caved, knowing I shouldn't have, I did. We did the same route again for another 4 miles. Our average pace was 9:04. This was with walk breaks. I added them every mile.
Directly after finishing I hit the Gym for 17 minutes in the Cold Plunge. It feels more like the death plunge it is so stinking cold. But I feel like I have new legs when I am finished.

What Do You Run With? Please share any of your thoughts on GPS watches.

Anita

Need Not be Offenended

My son had a 10am basketball tournament today.
When we returned home the temperature had reached 82 degrees.
Andy had big plans. Double digit run, 10 miles.

I really was not sure if I could pull this one off with him. To be honest, Andy and I were having a little spat and I really didn't like him. I secretly knew that he really needed me to run this long hot run with him. I knew he was going to have to eat his words and ask me to run with him.
And he DID!
Now, I had to get over being a brat and run with him.

We hardly spoke for the first 3 miles. Our conversation consisted of simple words.
"Its Hot"
"How far are we going"
"What route?"
"How's the Knee?"

Slowly, we started to run down our stubbornness and enjoy the run and even each other again.
We ran intervals. 5 /1. Run five minutes and walk 1 mile.
Our route was hilly which aggravated my knee. Most of the run my knee pain was at a level 2. I believe the walk breaks helped to achieve the distance.

Due to the heat I ran in shorts and a sports bra. My body looks nothing like a super model. I am slender but not curvy. When temperatures are over 80 degrees I often run in a sports bra. When running you always tack on an additional 10 degrees. So when Andy and I were out there running today the temps felt like they were in the 90's.

I guess to some I may look like a hoochie mama. I am not pretentious or showy. I have nothing to show off, however, I HATE running HOT.

When Andy and I reached mile 9, we were baking. Andy had sweat that had developed sweat. The sun was beating directly down on us as we approached home. We had to stop to refill our water.
We were running through Battle Alley when we came up to a group of 4 adults lounging outside.
They were all dressed very nice. They were smoking cigarettes outside and were all obese. I would not have noticed their appearance had they not been so rude to me.
As I followed Andy's lead, we closely passed them. One of them under their breath but loud enough for me to hear says "PUT a SHIRT on!"
WOW, did I just hear that? My instant reaction was to get upset and offended.  I was taking care of my health and being active while they were being rude and unhealthy. It was 85 degrees out and I was running 10 miles in it. I could feel myself getting angry. How dare he be so rude. Who did he think he was??
I told Andy what he said. Andy started to spout off. I was so thankful we were not within ears reach of them.
I asked Andy if I was inappropriately dressed. Andy is big on being modest.
"Anita, you are running in almost 90 degree weather, it is hot out here and it is not safe to be over dressed."
I replied to Andy, "I might be able to understand if I looked like a Victoria Secret model but honestly Andy...."
I was offended.

Running is the best thing for clearing your head. I was glad that we still had a little over a mile to go for me to let it go.

This is the society we live in. If someone crosses their eyes at us wrong we are coming out of our seat. If they cut us off driving we are chasing them down the road.
If they do not return our phone call or even say "Hi" to us right away we are OFFENDED.

We get offended at people we know and we get offended at people we do not know.
We constantly carry a chip on our shoulders. We are like a crouching tiger, waiting to pounce on someone if given the opportunity.  We will chew them up and spit them out.

As much as his words hurt and I wanted to back lash at him, I knew it was not right.
FIVE things I KNEW About Being Easily Offended:

1. Hurting People Hurt People
2. Be Confident in who I am and what I am doing. Seek accountability. (I asked my husband)
3. Build a Bridge and GET OVER IT!
4. Forgive and Forget
5. Don't let it Rent Space in Your Head.

Living a life offended is like carrying a bag of garbage around with you all the time. It smells to you and you smell to others.
It makes relationships difficult. People are afraid of you. Conversations are awkward. Everyone ends up walking on eggshells.

I hold myself accountable by asking myself this simple question. I learned this from a lady I coach with. "Was it Malicious and Intentional?"

I have been in the fire many times. I have learned in order to be "Christ Like" I need  to do my OWN self inventory. I have to check not only my actions but also my heart.

IN OTHER NEWS! HA5K Race
Saturday I ran a 5k. It was my sons schools' 5K.
My role in the 5K was to organize and train participants to be ready to run the 5K. I "coached" them for over 15 weeks. I also attended meetings to organize the run. I was in charge of marking the course on the day of the race.

I had several of the ladies I have coached show up with confidence and excitement. I also had about 20 of the XC  kids I jointly coach come out to run the 5K.
I was so excited to see all of them. I am a lunatic when it comes to running. I know people who do not know me think I am off my rocker.
I JUST LOVE RUNNING. I get so stoked to part of some one's victory. I yell, scream, give High Fives, sing songs, you name it!!

For the race I went in it wanting to race. I knew there was no possibility with my knee. The harder I run the more it gets aggravated.
I grabbed as many X country kids as I could before the race and we ran a warm up lap as a group. We had about 20 of us strong. I had the biggest grin of pride stamped across my face.

We lined up in the front of the finish line and about 200 runners. I wanted to run with my X country kids but the reality was they were really FAST and I could not keep up with them!
Every time my foot stuck the ground, my knee made me sweat. I felt fatigued so much faster with the pain. It is hard to believe that last year I ran this same race at 19:27 and this year I finished at 23:11 and thought I just might kick the bucket!
I finished it with 2 of my favorite XC kids. Together the 3 of us ran the race along side one another. I coached them and cheered them on. They are both so polite they tried to talk back to me. "Shh, don't talk, save your energy." I replied.

We finished the race together with smiles and sweat. Austin, my oldest was just a couple seconds in front of us.

When they handed out awards I was even more excited. Not only did I get to watch almost all the medals go to the XC kids, I also had the pleasure of watching some of our girls from the running club get medals and PR's.
I didn't PR.
I did get 1st place in my age group: 40-49!
I was 20th overall.
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It is such a good feeling to end this reminding myself of things that give you JOY, Love, Victory, and Happiness. It trumps that guy who was being mean and hurtful.

Anita

Moving Forward.

Isaiah 43:18-19
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.” (NIV)

 



This past weekend was my anniversary weekend. My husband has the habit of going back in time.

"Anita, I wish I could just go back and....."

"Nita, wouldn't you want to just change..."

You can would've and could've things to death. It isn't going to change the outcome of the present.
The only thing that is going to change the outcome of the present or the future is your reaction and response to the past.

I replied to Andy, "It is gone. All the heartache and all the mistakes are done. I can't change them from yesterday but I can change them from tomorrow."  I can actually grow more from the dirt I buried myself in if I choose. But I have to move forward.  Andy has moved forward himself. He has done many many things differently. I am very proud of the changes he has made.

I am moving forward these days but a lot different. With my knee angry, it leaves me confused and emotional.
I am moving forward slowly. I am looking back and fishing for past experience to use for future progress.
Quitting is mental. I am more determined than ever to stay strong and stay focused on getting healthy and being uninjured.
I have cut my miles back almost by half. No speed work. No hills. No KIDDING!
I have iced my knee in the cold plunge for 20 minutes. I have iced throughout the day. I have rolled and I have PRAYED.
Next week I see the DR.

The RUNDOWN:
Distance: 8 miles
Time: 1:15
Pace:9:22
*Danielle and I met this morning for our run. She was very kind and prompted me to slow down or walk if my knee hurt. We walked at every mile. We were both shocked at our time considering we added walk breaks every mile.
I am so blessed by our friendship. After running, Danielle took the time to assess my knee. (She is an occupational therapist) She had even taken the time to look up a couple diagnoses based on my symptoms. We headed into Panera before we separated and I made a makeshift ice bag to put on my knee as I drove out.

Moving forward does not mean you forget the past. Quite the opposite actually. For me it means making amends to my past failures and mistakes. It is having the humility to accept myself and my imperfections. It is using my past not as a stumbling block to my future, rather a building block to move forward on.
Sometimes I look back and just wish.. There are people and relationships I miss. I have to examine my actions with the closure of those. This is the hardest for me. It is hard to move forward with only memories of relationships that are no more.
Moving forward is not a sprint, it is a marathon. Keep your eyes up to see where you are going. Never forget yesterday. Use Yesterday as  a tool for a better Tomorrow. Just keep moving forward.

Are you like Andy, questioning your yesterday? Or have you come to terms with your yesterday and are working at a better tomorrow?

Anita

And It HITS you.

And it HITS you just like that. Its like you finally catch air. You discover a little life. You inhale a little breath. You move 2 steps forward. Not the same as before but you are moving. You are breathing again. You even find the corners of your mouth genuinely smiling. You feel that deep guttural laugh you thought you would never feel again escape you.
And it HITS you.
It is like a deer, by the time you see her it is too late.
It is grief. It is heart wrenching, gut pounding, hurtful, so hurtful. It is beauty and it is pain.
It is confusing and it is peaceful.

It is one of the moments. I smiled today. I laughed today. I was engaged and alive.
And it HIT me, It sideswiped me. I saw it out of the corner of my eye. I could have even avoided it. But I didn't.
I let it hit me. I invited the heartache. I felt her. I touched her for just a brief second. I smelled her hair. I ran my fingers through her hair. I looked at the big brown eyes. I heard her laughter. I could see every detail of her. I saw her mascara slightly smudgy with perfection. Her lips were glossy and soft. Her skin was bronze and glowing. I heard her, "Aunt Nita.." I heard her. I heard her.
But she was calling me from heaven. So far away....

Oh Glorious Heaven. The Angels Embrace her beauty. She shines from above. She Dances in the Sky.

My Angel

This video really touched me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNoLJy68ZcE

Missing my Ariel.

Still Running Together after 18 years

Andy and I got married very young, Memorial Weekend, 18 years ago.

We were 22 years old.  I am not that person who is going to tell you our marriage has been sweet, with all the bells and whistles. I am not going to act like my marriage is a stain glass window and it looks so good when the truth is we really made a lot of mistakes.
It has been hard. And it has been worth it.

We both like surprises. It was Andy's turn to surprise me this year. All he knew is I wanted to run a race.

Run Thru The Shores 5K
Race Start: 12 pm
Weather: 80 degrees
Number of participants: 300-400
Course: There and Back

This guy was cracking me up. I called him Captain America

The gun went off and we slowly headed to the starting line.
Andy was happy that I was running with him, however, he also really wanted me to race this.
I had studied the runners prior to running and knew that I had a good chance of medaling. "Be Smart Anita." The little competitive voice was quickly drowned out by reason. We are in peak running right now. I have to be smart with my knee. I lwant to be able to just GO. I want to run like my legs were created to do. I wanted to run out of breath and pained from giving everything I had. It was not that day. I could still have a great run, I would run with Andy and cheer him on.
As I ran alongside Andy I had to chuckle. 18 years ago, who would have thought we would celebrate our anniversary running! It was the perfect metaphor for our marriage. We are still RUNNING Strong. 


We had a fun race. I tried to pace Andy at a 8:15 pace. He did really good the first mile. The second mile he was asking to slow down. The 3 mile I was telling him to hold on a little bit longer.

We had a good finish. Andy used those long legs and finished strong.

After catching our breath we checked out the results. I was not even on the results pages. We went to the timer guy, who is a Hansons guy I know. He recognized me and shook my hand. "No problem I will take care of it."

And he did. I ended up getting 3rd place in my AGE group! That was pretty exciting for not racing.

Time: 25:13

Pace: 8:07

Place: 3rd Place in my 40 year old division!

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We stayed in Windsor. I love present time!

Andy spoiled me with all my favorites!

Godiva CHOCOLATE, my first ALTHLETA tank in my favorite color! AND, He saw my pictures of all the running books on my twitter and bought me another book!!

My new shirt and book!!!

 

It was a great anniversary.

 

Anita